I am . . .

got this blog tag from my friend Rachel. I have many tags that I need to respond to, but this one seemed like an easy, fun, fast one. I'm working on all the others . . .

I AM...

i am: Rachel - happy, imperfect, (happily imperfect???) learning . . .

i think: too little. I think I run on autopilot a lot lately.

i know: that the plan the Lord has for us is real. I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true. I know my Savior lives. I know I'm doing okay. I know I could do better.

i want: to be a better mom and wife. I want to be more financially secure. I want to accomplish more - probably more than I am capable of achieving. I want to have more dedication.

i have: 3 beautiful girls and a wonderful husband. I have a wonderful, peaceful, steady life.

i wish: hair and makeup did itself, that beds made themselves and laundry folded and put itself away.

i hate: feeling misunderstood.

i miss: my grandparents. I've felt a real loss in not really knowing any of my grandparents as an adult.

i fear: death. Not that I fear dying per se. More the fear of leaving my children and husband. Or them leaving me. I've thought about it extensively, it just doesn't work out for any of us to die.

i feel: peaceful, happy, and irritated all at the same time.

i hear: Hazel yelling at me to get her out of the bath and splashing from Lilie.

i smell: cooked broccoli and shampooed hair.

i crave: a hot, steamy bath and a really good book.

i search: for knowledge. I love to learn.

i wonder: If Nels will come home before midnight. If the girls will fall asleep in the next 2 hours. . .

i regret: yelling at my children.

i love: laughing, learning, reading, sewing, my fish, families, a clean house, rain, grass, the smell of lilacs, gardens, organization, camping, my husband, the laughter of my children (even when they are supposed to be asleep), music, singing, life . . .

i ache: for more patience and kindness.

i care: about the appearance of my home.

i always: feel anxious when I sleep in too late.

i am not: quiet. poised.

i BELIEVE: that I can have more balance in my life. Too often I'm all or nothing.

i dance: poorly and secretly. Sometimes when I'm cleaning the house. How can you not when you're listening to Billy Idol's "Dancing with Myself"?

i sing: when I am happy or to relieve stress. I sing less than I used to. Sometimes I sing to bother my children. :)

i cry: when I am frustrated or mad. It's really embarrassing and just makes me more frustrated and mad.

i don’t always: shave my legs.

i fight: when I am tired.

i write: to remember and to think. To put things in perspective.

i win: at Nintendo 64's James Bond. Nels has never beat me.

i lose: the battle of modesty in our home too often.

i never: want to go to bed early. I never read books with Nels anymore.

i confuse: my children's names. Hazelilie. Lelsie.

i listen: I TRY to listen to what someone is saying, even when that's not what's coming out of their mouth.

i can usually be found: at home with my children.

i am scared: of my own procrastination on things of importance.

i need: laughter, sunshine, exercise.

i am happy about: the life I have. I have a wonderful husband who is my best friend. He works so hard to take care of our family. I have three children who I love more than life. They are smart and happy. I am happy about the choices I have made in my life that have brought me to where I am and have made me what and who I am.