What?

I have a question to send out there into the universe. I really believe that it's probably not  a mystery that can be explained, but I'm gonna ask it anyway.

Why is the answer to most of what I say, "What?"


Girls: "We're going outside!"

Me: "Elsie, you need to get dressed first."

Elsie: "What?"

Me: "You need to get dressed first."

Elsie: "What?"

Me: "What did I just say?"

Elsie: "You need to get dressed first."

Me: "Right."

I just don't understand this. And it happens often. It's happened for years.

I say something and they answer "what?" I repeat myself and they answer, "what?" I ask them what I said and they repeat me verbatim. I don't get that.


Second, and related, situation.

Me: "Hazel, come here."

Hazel: "What?"

Me: "Come here!"

Hazel: "What?!"

Me: "Come! Here!"

Hazel: "What?"

Me (crazed and yelling at this point): "I didn't say 'GUESS WHAT?'! I said, 'COME HERE'!! That's what!!"

This happens daily with any one of my children.

I don't understand. I'm sure that it's just childhood brain damage, but I really just don't understand.

An Update: Short and Sweet . . . yeah, right.

I've been wasting time browsing around blogs and facebook for about an hour now. Trying to break away to complete the list of "to-do's" piling up, but REALLY I just want to write. So I'm going to do it. I'm going to give you a condensed (well, probably not) run-down of the laundry list of randomness that's been in the spin-cycle of my brain for the last few days.


first.
We're weaning Violet off her binky. --- I knew there was a reason why I preferred to do this at four months. The last two bedtimes have just been painful. But I am NOT going to keep crawling around on the floor in the middle of the night to find a binky so she can go back to bed. --- Especially since my expanding belly is making that increasingly uncomfortable. And I am NOT going to have two babies in my house using binkies, ya know?


second.
I went to Parent Teacher Conference with Lilie's teacher this morning. Lilie is amazing. Here are a few things her teacher loves about her.

Lilie is incredibly creative and artistic.

Lilie is a friend to everyone, very kind and inclusive. She takes others under her "wing" so to speak, and helps them feel a part of the group.

Lilie is always thinking. Her teacher says that she feels like she can literally see the wheels in Lilie's head turning. Thinking, thinking, thinking. 

Lilie is almost always happy, happy, happy. Very confident, very self-assured.

Lilie is very smart and has had no problem with any of her work. Mrs. Ball has moved her up to the first grade reading level, along with one other girl in her class. She loves learning and loves school.

The only problem that she mentioned with Lilie at all, is that sometimes she doesn't pay attention to what is going on, because she is caught up with whatever is going on in her head. :) Mrs. Ball said that it is probably just because Lilie gets a little bit bored sometimes with the Kindergarten curriculum.

I love my Lilie. None of the things that her teacher told me were really new or surprising, but it's nice to hear such positive feedback about my little wild girl from someone else. :) Lilie is so wonderful. She loves learning and she loves school. It is such a joy to be her mother.

third.
This pregnancy, that I am now . . . 17 weeks into (wow!) . . . has been really emotional for me. And guess what? I don't even really know why. To answer the shock/surprise/incredulity of, I'm sure, many of you --- yes. This baby was planned and we are WAY excited. But, FIVE! Holy smokes?! Can you believe that we are going to have FIVE kids???!!! (That's one little piece of the emotion.) I'm only going to be 29 and have five children . . . . . . . . . FIVE? I'm not even 29 YET! (That's a second piece.) Also, I feel like I'm entering a new phase of life . . . the one where I have five(!!!!) kids and I'm going to turn thirty and I'm getting to a point where covering up grey hair is a real problem (and I'm not talking about like, 4 hairs here gals. I know some of you that are complaining about four or five --- that's NOT what I'm talking about). I'm entering a phase where I can remember my mom at this age. I can remember my mom and I can remember being 18 and thinking that 29, 30 was really . . . old? mature? I don't know. All I DO know is that I wasn't expecting to get HERE and really feel like I'm still 18 years old. (Enter pieces three, four, five (FIVE?!), and a million.)

I am stoked about adding another little person to our family. I know that this is the right thing. I'm SO happy with where we are in our lives right now. I LOVE having my kids as close as they are. But at the same time .  . . how the heck did we get here???!! I'm just having one of those step-out-of-myself moments where it feels like I'm kind of removed from my life, looking in from a distance and trying to figure out how I got here. It happens to me on occasion. We're going along, taking life a day at a time, when BAM! I realize that my kids just got years older right before my eyes . . . only this moment is not lasting for like a day or a week, it's lasting for months and it's really weird.

fourth.
I don't really know if I want to tell ANYONE the gender of this baby before it arrives. After having four girls, I can tell you now, people say some idiotic things about the gender of your children when you have multiples of one gender. And I feel like for at least my last two babies, people have been actually DISAPPOINTED when I tell them that we're having a girl. (And for those of you who can't follow what I'm rambling about here, no. I don't know what THIS CURRENT baby is yet.)

With both Elsie and Violet, I repeatedly got this reaction to our announcing the gender of my baby. "Ohhhh . . . . . . . . really? Well . . . you're going to have more kids, right?" or "I'm sorry . . . well, at least it will be cheaper!" 

I am so sick of people only getting excited if we were going to have a boy! And I am so sick of stupid people's comments! I don't want people's condolences if we have another girl and I don't want people's OVER excitement if we're having a boy.

I would be thrilled to have a boy, and I am thrilled if this little baby is a girl too! I'm so excited for whatever little person is going to be joining our family, because either way, we certainly don't make them dull! :)  . . . . . we'll just have to wait and see if I let you all be excited with us or not (on Monday!), when we find out or if I make you all wait another 5 months!! :) Rude, huh?

fifth.
oh. my. goodness. FIVE?! AHHH! ha ha ha ha ha! we're nuts!!! I love it!

Every Place I Go, I'll Think of You

Leavin' on a Jet Plane was one of my favorite songs in high school. --- The Peter, Paul, and Mary version.

So. I'm off. The past two days have been SO long and I haven't been this tired in a long time, but I'm SO excited. Every once in a while I think of my sweet little babies sleeping in their beds and the fact that I am not there to kiss their faces and I start to feel little nervous twinges in my stomach, but really - I'm excited. I have the best husband in the world who has worked night and day (literally) to make the time for me to go on this trip. He is the best dad in the world for not even batting an eye at being a one man band for the next several days with FOUR kids.

I've wanted to take a trip with Nels - just the two of us - for years and years. "For our fifth anniversary . . . " - "Well, maybe for seven years . . ." We're currently shooting for our tenth anniversary - next Fall. Our youngest child should be about one at that point and if we plan far, far in advance, I think we can pull it off. :)

I love my cousin Amber and I love Washington. So excited to browse around Pike's Place today.

Nels had asked me at one point if I wanted to take Violet with me . . . I thought about it for about . . . say, 3 seconds, before I said, "Um, nah." But you know, try as I might to have a weekend alone, even for this trip, I still couldn't get away from packing one little peanut with me. ---- But I didn't need a boarding pass or a carseat, no bottles or snacks with this one. -- This baby has still got the cushiest seat in the house. :)

If your brain is working better than mine, give me a title.

Oh, my. Some days feel like they lasted a million years. That was today.

I didn't get enough sleep last night due to 1 - staying up late watching a show, 2 - daylight savings, 3 - Lilie being sick with a fever --- on her birthday. No fair.

So today, I took care of four children and cleaned the kitchen. That's about it . . . . Yep. Really. That's about it. That seems kind of sad. However, the kitchen was a mess and my kids are incredibly busy.

My poor kids. Yelling mom, sick Lilie, bored Elsie, busy Violet . . . It was a long day.

I'd like to write about a few things that were on my mind earlier today . . . but honestly, I can't even remember what they were now.

I'd like to write about the crocuses and daffodils that are poking out of my flower bed.

I'd like to write about my sweet girls' birthdays this last week, but there is so much to do and I have a headache - I wouldn't be able to do justice to my feelings for either of them right now. I'm just going to say, we had a WONDERFUL week together. Lots of fun. I hope that I get to write in the next couple of days, but in case it has to wait a little longer, I have to say that I love my Lilie and I love my Violet. They are pure sunshine in my life. Our family would never be complete without either one of them.

The Wheel

Sometimes I let pent-up irritation loose. In a big tsunami of words and emotion. One minute, calm and laughing - the next minute . . . I'm drowning. A lot of people would say that this is healthy and normal. You just have to let it out, so you can let it go --- kind of mentality. 

But I can tell you from experience, this is usually not the case. Letting your mouth run free, rarely solves anything. And it's irresponsible. And it's usually rude.

And honestly, it doesn't really make anyone feel better. Least of all me.

All I'm left with afterward is this unsettled feeling that seems to go in one big round from the middle of my chest right up through my brain. This antsy, anxious, cycle of irritation. Like a hamster wheel, going around and around and around, making my eyebrows pinch together and my foot bounce.

I hate it.

I should have chosen a different path. There is a better way.

Many people seem to have a hard time speaking up about things. I tell you what, it is perhaps an equally important skill to learn when to just be quiet.

Oh, Glory Be!

It's March. Glory, glory.

It's Friday. Glory BE!

We made it, people!

We made it through February. Sorry to all those who have February birthdays, but I do not like that month. Every year, I think, this year is going to be different . . . But you know what? Every once in a while, it is. Mostly, I just don't like February.

February in Idaho . . . . it's when you know that winter will never release its grip. Everything starts to look dirty and icy and yucky. It's overcast and grey. Ick. Some people are masterful at motivating themselves right through February, projects and painting. For me, this February has felt sick and tired and messy. I'm so glad it's March.

So. No more complaining. The crocuses will be up in a few weeks and the days are getting longer. Everyone is feeling pretty good most days - finally! So let's share a few little fabulous things that have been on my mind.

#1: The conversation I had with Elsie last night.
Being LDS, we follow what we call the Word of Wisdom. Among other things, we do not drink coffee or tea.

E: Mommy. Coffee is not good for our bodies.

Me: No, it's not.

E: Is it good for Bad Guys?

Me: (smiling) No. It's not good for any bodies.

E: Oh. What coffee is good for?

Me: Uh . . . I don't know.

E: Is it good for fire?

Me: Yeah. It's probably good for fire.

This kid makes me laugh every day. She has an obsession with Bad Guys. Here is another conversation I had recently with my Princess.

Elsie: Mom. I'm gonna kill Bad Guys. Who are you gonna kill?

Me: What?! Um. I'm not going to kill anyone.

Elsie: But we kill bad guys.

Me: Umm . . . Elsie, we're not going to kill anyone, okay? :)

She is an awesome, firey kid. I love her.


#2: I received a beautiful dress in the mail this week!

With Genny's upcoming wedding next month, I needed a new dress. I finally broke down and bought a dress from a website I shared with you nearly a year ago (www.eShakti.com).

I LOVE it. They have a lot of really wonderful dresses and the best part, you can customize the dress to fit YOU! Many dresses have the option of changing the neckline, sleeve, or length and all of them you can have customized to fit your body exactly - with your measurements. If you search online, you can find many places with codes for 20% off --- and all first orders with eShakti get free customization. Awesome.

I'm very, very happy with it and will have to post some pictures soon. This is the dress I ordered.


#3: I just booked myself a trip!

My sweet cousin, Amber, lives in Washington. Nels and I have gone to visit them twice in the years they've lived there. Once, our first summer after getting married - when I was very pregnant with Hazel, and again two summers ago - with all the kiddos. It was so much fun and I have been craving to go again.

Amber and I are three months apart and lived across the street from one another until second grade. It was a truly tragic day in my young life when they moved. I cannot remember one trip to visit her, all growing up --- or into adulthood actually, that didn't end in tears at departure. To this day she remains one of my very, very best friends in the whole world. And if there were a way to arrange for us to be next door neighbors, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Today I booked the plane tickets to go see her later this month! I'm SO excited!


#4: Nels is cleaning the garage and the van for me.

A miracle! Nels is home on a Saturday and isn't sick! Glory, glory!


#5: My fish tank got an upgrade.

We were in Salt Lake this last weekend and while there, I picked up some new fish. Upon returning home, I rearranged all the rocks and plants. I know it sounds trivial to most of you, but it is so wonderful to once again feel excited about my fish.

As I was spending hours and hours watching my fish this week, Nels said, "You know, I'd never have a fish tank all on my own, but I can understand why you like it. In essence, you're creating your own little ecosystem. Something to control and change life."

Ah. Success. This from the man who said that he hated fish six years ago. They'll grow on him yet. I just know it.


#6: My Violet is growing up.

Sometimes this doesn't feel fabulous -- she's such a good baby -- but it really is. She is so much fun and I so love to see all the new things that she's learning. Her birthday is coming up this week! Hooray for being ONE!