Tortilla Face Kicks Pants!

Conversation between Lilie and I earlier today.

L: "Mom, what's that naughty guy's name?"

M: "Umm . . . we don't know any naughty guys, Lilie."

L: "Yes, you do. That naughty guy in Heaven."

M: "Oh!" (laughing) "You mean, Satan?"

L: "Yeah. He makes people cry and I kick him in the pants. ----- I kick naughty guys in the pants."

That's my girl. I hope and pray that she will always keep that kind of spunk and courage. You go, Tortilla Face. You kick Satan and those naughty guys in the pants! :)

Friday's Fabulous Five

1. Nels and I were able to go to the temple together tonight. It was so good. We haven't been in SO long and it just felt like going home. So peaceful. - Overwhelmingly so. - It was REALLY nice.

2. Next week is going to be CRAZY busy and SO fabulous! I get to celebrate TWO of my little babies birthdays next week! My dear friend Nancy is coming to visit for several days! My parents are coming to visit!!! And (hopefully) I will get sod planted in my front yard!!! Hip-hip-hooray!! 

3. I've been able to get most of my house in order this week. I'm still working my way through this never ending job -- but I'll have you know that in the past week, I have washed 13 loads and folded 17 loads of laundry!!! Oh my goodness! What on EARTH have we been wearing!?

4. It's supposed to be sunny for Hazel's birthday on Tuesday!

5. I have a whole bunch of friends in my life who are loving and forgiving of me - even when I don't call them back, respond to sweet emails, comment on their blogs, etc. Thank you all you family and friends who just accept me for being distracted and busy!

Rhythm

WARNING:

For my dear readers out there, I want to inform you beforehand that this post is really just a journal entry for me. Just my crazy thoughts. If you are not in the mood, you DO NOT need to read my ramblings today (as if you need to any day). 

I'm going to relate my musings today to an experience that I had in my college microbiology lab one day. My teacher instructed us to pair up to use the microscopes. A girl across from me offered to be my partner and I headed around the long table to her side. On the way there, I half-tripped, stumbled over the leg of a chair. I reached her side, laughing, and said, "I'm retarded." She looked at me the most serious face and said, "No. - You're not." Dumbstruck, I just looked at her for a beat and said with a smile on my face, "Yes, I am." Ever serious, she insisted, "No. You're not retarded." ((sigh)) We left it at that.

For any of you who have the curiosity to continue reading this post, PLEASE, do not be that girl, saying, "No. You're not." Frankly, I am. And I plan to continue on in my retardosity. :) LOL! If you close this post feeling dumber for having read it, just remember that you have been forewarned.

You know, I realized something today. There has been some underlying . . . I don't know . . . agitation or tension . . . something - in my life for the past year and a half or so. A pretty constant feeling of just not having it all together. NOT some overwhelming thing that consumes everything, making me out to be some crabby beast unable to have a happy moment or thought, just a little subtle thing. - Just feeling a bit out of sorts. (Sorry, this is hard to describe - that's the best it gets! :)

I think I've just been lacking some normalcy and routine. Because of this, there have been a lot of things that have been going on in our lives (or at least mine -- and mine seems to affect a lot of other people I know :) that have been more surviving and getting by than really enjoying - really experiencing and LIVING.

For example, I've not been reading the scriptures regularly, I've not been getting up (or going to sleep) at a consistent (and productive) hour, I've not attended the temple regularly in over a year, my house goes through sporadic cycles of being either totally out of control or meticulously spotless, I'm more likely to turn on a movie or a computer game for my kids (or just let them play the day away by themselves) than play a game, read a book, ride bikes, etc. with them. The weekend comes and we're more likely to fill it up with running errands, going to this or that party, or just "relaxing" (doing nothing) than to actually spend time ENJOYING our kids and making memories.

These are just a few examples, there are many more -- and there is definitely a time and a place for some of these things. Things don't have to be perfect. I don't need to run my life with strict rigidity. That's not what I'm seeking. I've just realized that it's been so helter-skelter all the time, up and down and all around. So much wasted or at least not well managed time.

I haven't always been like this. Granted, it's obviously something that I struggle with - this time management thing. But there have been years where I've done great. While going to school and shortly thereafter, Nels was gone so much that I had a lot of time to myself with just two tiny girls. We had a good schedule and I realized how important it was for all of us - especially children. 

I've spent much of the last two years floundering to get into a routine - only to do well and then over and over again failing as life seems to emotionally run me over. I've felt like, "I just can't get on top of things." "I'm not good at this." "I'm a bad mom." "I'm not fulfilling my responsibilities." "I don't know what's wrong with me." And sometimes even, "I don't WANT to do it." (PLEASE, do NOT think that I'm some emotional train wreck; wallowing in self pity and doubt. I'm NOT. This is only occasional. And ALWAYS accompanied by my own trademark disgust of self loathing. Always accompanied by my own realization of ridiculousness. I'm well associated with reality. No words of encouragement are being sought after by my little musings here.) I just oftentimes feel like I'm either laconic or frantically playing catch-up. It's uncomfortable. We get by and we definitely have our moments, but I often find myself either too lazy or too busy to find time in my life for the things that I REALLY enjoy. For really just ENJOYING.

Well, today I may have come to a realization of WHY I've been struggling with this. When Nels graduated 2 1/2 years ago, we immediately moved to Idaho Falls. Hazel and Lilie were 2 and 1 at the time. That summer Nels was gone most of the time (nearly every night - all night - and part of the next day) and we got into a great schedule. That October Nels found out he was going to be without a job in two weeks. Over the next three and a half months, we had Thanksgiving, Christmas, two trips to Spokane, job hunting, packing up all of our things into a storage unit, and moving to Utah to live with my parents. We lived there for 6 weeks, during which time we found out that we were expecting another baby. Got a new job offer in Idaho Falls, moved back to Idaho, got hideous morning (all day) sickness, unpacked, started to get into a routine again. Nels working a new job and working crazy hours again. Rachel starts working weekday mornings. Find a house, decide to buy, pack again, move again, paint and clean like crazy, have a new baby, new baby in hospital, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and adjusting to having THREE kids. Nels still working crazy hours - trying to get movie finished. Start to get into a good routine. Summer begins. Gone EVERY OTHER WEEK/WEEKEND for TEN weeks. Nels gets a new job. Tear up the yard. WHEW! I made it!

Wow. What a crazy life we've had for the past two years! But you know what? It's slowing down! :) Nels has a new job and he's generally home at about 5:45 every night. The yard still needs some work, but is almost put back together. We have no trips or MOVES in the foreseeable future and Nels's movie is completed. Everyone is healthy. Hazel is in preschool. I'm slowly working my way through the house, getting things put in order, and I'm energized. Ready to work. Ready start having some continuity and order. Ready to put myself in order. I'm excited!

So here's to Routine! Here's to Order! Here's to Organization! Here's to a little more Peace and a little more Learning, a little more Patience and a little more Fun!

Preschool

So this past week I have been taking my turn at teaching preschool. There are eight kids and each mom takes their turn teaching. 

I have been STRESSED about this. I don't feel really comfortable teaching and I feel really unsure about doing little "crafty" things. Mostly just doubting my own abilities -- when I'm in front of people . . . I just feel like I lose my brain. :) Anyway, it is the nicest thing in the whole world to find out that you are good at something that you didn't think you could do! :) It went great!! Most days I found that I had OVER planned! The kids were great and we actually had a lot of fun together. It was nice.

I really glad that it's over for another 7 weeks, but I'm not scared to do it again! Hooray for me!

Friday's Fabulous Five

Life really IS fabulous, isn't it? There's always something . . . 

1. It's FRIDAY!!! This means that it is the end of my week teaching preschool (whoo hoo!), Nels doesn't have to work tomorrow, AND . . . 

2. . . . Nels set up the tent the other day to clean it out (finally getting it cleaned after our camping trip WEEKS ago - sickness and busyness will do that) and the girls asked if we could sleep in the tent. Nels told them we could on Friday. So tonight we're going to string an extension cord to the tent, watch a movie, eat popcorn, and (maybe even mommy will) sleep in the tent. The girls are SO excited! :)

3. The family pictures that we took last weekend turned out super cute!! :) We still need to get together again to try another family picture (getting THREE tired little girls to SIT and SMILE is no small feat!!). You can take a look at the HERE. Thank you again, Megan!!

4. Elsie has started saying, "Dodie" then says "hoo, hoo, hoo" (barking :) - it's so cute!

5. I already have six of about 13 loads of laundry finished. :) LOL!

This is why I love children! :)

This is a blog post from a friend/acquaintance from Rexburg that I read today.

This is just too funny to not be shared!!!

DISCOVERY

Friday's Fabulous Five

I haven't gone to sleep yet, so it's still Friday. :)

1. I have a little girl with an internal alarm clock (called an empty tummy) who runs into my room at almost exactly 7 o'clock every morning. --- She helps me make sure that I don't sleep in and gives the best snuggles.

2. I have the "softer side of the bed" - according to Nels. :)

3. Hazel has started saying, "I'm ready to get my jammies on and get in my bed." at about 7 o'clock every night. (Incredible isn't it!!?? This, coming from the girl that only a year ago told me that she never gets tired and doesn't ever need to go to sleep. :)

4. Nobody kidnapped Elsie today. :) She was playing with Lilie on the floor at the Gap, while the clerk took about 25 minutes returning ONE item.  She was there. And then she was gone. Out the front doors and walking in the corridor . . . that kid it FAST! Then at Kohl's, as we were trying on shoes, she was ripping apart a box in the aisle as I tied Hazel's shoes. I look up and she's gone. I go around the corner and she's not there. I run down the entire length of the shoe section and she's not ANYWHERE!! I get frantic and start running all over and calling all over --- eventually I see her running as fast as she can down another aisle. I am putting her on a leash from now on! :)

5. I'm thankful for a happy baby. Who, even when she only gets one (somewhat short) nap, is dragged shopping with mommy much of the day, is getting SIX teeth all at the same time, is still smiley, sweet, and snuggly.

Checks Isn't Money

Okay, I'm really not trying to blog you to death -- even though past tendencies might make you wonder -- this is just TOO funny.

So I came down to check my email this afternoon. As I was reading through my first one, the doorbell rings. I keep reading. When you have a 6-year-old neighbor and a 3-year-old daughter that both have an obsessive need to ring the doorbell, you don't bound up the steps every time you hear "ding-dong", right? So Hazel comes down the stairs 30 seconds later, telling me someone is at the door and they're wanting "peas". (What??? I never actually did get to clarify what she was talking about, but usually seeking for clarification reaps no rewards, so I didn't ask.)

I bounce up the stairs and there are two skinny, tank-top sporting, stringy-haired, teenage-ish looking girls standing at my door. They ask if I have a moment (sure, humor me!) and start on a schpeil about how they're in this competition to earn as many points as possible. (OOooo! Really?! :) How they are in this "pre-college" program for young adults going into communication/public speaking careers -- so they're out there practicing their skills and having fun "earning points". :) And if they win, we get $1000 (!) to use toward educational purposes and they also get an "all expense paid trip to ANYWHERE in the world!!! Guess where we're going???!!!" :) "So, we have to fill out this little survey, ask you a few questions -- is that okay? Can we come in?" Me: "Sure, have a seat and watch for the Legos!" :)

So they start in on their little questions, "What's you favorite color? . . . WOW! Did you know that 84% of the population choose blue as their favorite color?" (Incredible! I know . . . :) "What are you're hobbies?" "What is your occupation? . . . Oh really?? So, like the domestic goddess, right?" (Ha ha! These girls, by the way . . . you can tell they've just graduated from high school . . . you know what I mean . . . Like, like, like, OH REALLY?! :) "If you were given $1000 what would you do with it?!" I immediately answer that I would pay bills. -- They sit there and stare at me for a moment with blank looks on their faces and then say, "Oh. Well you have to choose something fun." (Oh. I thought that WAS fun! :) How far does $1000 go in a family of 5??) So I say . . . whatever, something silly.

Anyway, they ask me their little survey questions and then hand me their "points brochure" displaying a wide array of magazines. "So, we get our points from the magazines you choose. How old are you kids? You could get one for each and we'd get fifty points!!!" (Oh MY!!! How exciting for US! LOL!) 

So I must ask the unthinkable . . . "I pay for these 'points', right?" 

Oh, yeah - of course. "What are you husband's hobbies? I'm sure we have one he'd like . . . " --- So at this point I smile at the sweet girls and say: 

"I really wish you the best, but I don't have money for magazines." ((shrug)) 

"You know, they're really not that expensive . . . "

"Yeah, I know, but you remember that answer I gave you before about the thousand dollars? Yeah. I really don't have money to spend on magazines. ((shrug, again)) Sorry." ((with a smile))

The "talker" gets an enlightened look on her face and then gives me a look of pure joy, "Oh, well, you can write a check!"

 . . . . . . . . . . what? . . . . . . . . . .

I got news for you gals . . . checks isn't money! HA! LOL! --- I don't have money. -- You can write a check. (((insert head-shake here)))

"Umm. I don't have money for magazines."

(((insert sad Charlie Brown music here)))

"oh . . . well, that's how we get our points . . . "

Sad, isn't it? Just so sad . . . . on so many levels.

These "sweet girls" are from California. 

They've just graduated.

They still don't understand that checks are not money that you get to write for yourself. 

AND

they also don't seem to understand that they are getting the bum end of this contest deal. They are here "EARNING POINTS!!!" :) :) :) (selling magazines) and they're not even getting PAID for it! :) They only get a "prize" if they win! :) LOL! This just makes me laugh so hard! --- BUT they are getting this "great opportunity" with this really "neat program" that gives them "experience practicing" their speaking skills. LOL!!!

Just TOO hilarious! "You can write a CHECK!" 

(By the way, I am well aware of the fact that my title and punch line in this sad story is grammatically incorrect. Nels was pointing out to me last night that I often speak funny. That I don't arrange my sentences the way most people do. He made a point to say that they're almost ALWAYS correct, just not normal. I, of course, told him that I know that -- I'm retarded and I can't help it. I even notice what I do and cannot seem to correct my compulsive weirdness. (And I really have no desire to do so - as evidenced in my blog. - I even write retarded.) I also know that in my hastiness to tell a story or get my point across, I often make up words and interrupt myself (and others). I also occasionally get stuck putting words together wrong, because I don't want to correct myself and I think it sounds funny. I get a kick out of KNOWING that I said it wrong. And it's always said incorrectly with a smile. :) :) This evening, as I was recreating this experience for Nels, I did exactly this. I used this incorrect phrase. He got such a kick out of it, that he INSISTED that I title this blog after said stupidity. --- Just so ya know.) LOL!

Awake

Do you ever find yourself in the dumps --- and like it?

Do you ever know the cure to your heartache and resist it?

Why do I resist those things that I know will make the biggest difference?

I look at the things I lack and yet make no changes. 

"Forget yourself and go to work." "We have a greater challenge than we realize. . . . Do the best you can. But I want to emphasize that it be the very best. We are prone to be satisfied with mediocre performance. We are capable of doing so much better. . . . We must get on our knees and plead with the Lord for help and strength and direction. We must then stand on our feet and move forward."

Do you ever find yourself in bed in the morning - awake - but laying there thinking, I'm not ready to get out of bed yet? Who said you have to be ready? If you wait there longer, are you going to be more ready???

Sometimes, I don't think we have to wait for the "right timing". Sometimes we may never "feel like it". Sometimes, it's just time. Time to move forward. Time to get to work. You will feel it as you move. You will feel the "rightness" as you proceed -- not as you wait. Stop thinking. Stop waiting. The time is now.

From Sheri Dew's book, "If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't Be Hard" (a recommended read for ALL):

"There is but one cure for the ills that infect our personalities, our emotions, and our behavior --- the kinds of ills that sometimes seem impossible to heal. But it is possible to change. REALLY change. The cure for the ills with which we deal is the pure love of Christ. But how do we get it? . . . 

"Mormon taught us exactly what to do: We are to 'pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart,' meaning the kind of energy we put forth when we are desperate for help, desperate for feel peace or solace, that we may be 'filled with this love, which he [meaning our Father] hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ' (Moroni 7:48; emphasis added)."

All the energy of heart. Energy. Action. Pleading. True Followers. Forget yourself. Forget yourself. Filled with this LOVE. Joy. Peace.

Do you ever find yourself waiting for someone ELSE to make changes first? To motivate? 

I've waited long enough. Stop waiting and get to work.

Friday's Fabulous Five

So my friend Clancy has decided to make Fridays her day to write five things that are fabulous and fantastic in her life right now. I think this is a FABULOUS idea and I'm going to follow suit.

1. My children's sense of humor. (Lilie is currently sitting on the floor laughing. Saying, "Hug - ging - g" over and over again. What a fun - nee gi - rl!)

2. My sweet husband who works for us all day and then has come home and cleaned up the kitchen for me the last few nights.

3. Two working vehicles.

4. Neighbor kids for my children to play with.

5. My mom and her perspective on life. Her willingness to share her experiences with me.

5.1 (hee hee!) A loving Heavenly Father who is well aware of my daily minor and not so minor problems and blesses me accordingly --- as long as I ASK.

For the past few days I have been feeling like C-R-A-P. However, moms rarely get the luxury of being sick. I haven't been feeling particularly grateful. 

The other day Lilie took an incredibly late nap and decided that she was going to stay up incredibly late. So I decided to put on a movie that would be mildly entertaining for her, but still boring enough that she might think about falling asleep. I decided upon "Pollyanna". --- It is interesting the perspective that adulthood can give you on a movie like this. The wisdom and thoughts contained in this movie has been hovering around me the last couple of days. She plays her "Glad Game" throughout the movie. Finding things to be glad about. A lot of people look at optimistic people and call them naive or sheltered or unrealistic. You know, happiness, for the most part, is a choice. It's not naivete, it's not refusing to acknowledge the bad in the world, it's about choosing the lens through which you will see the world. 

She shares the quote from Abraham Lincoln that says, "If you look for the bad in mankind, you shall surely find it." Isn't that just as true of husbands, children, friends, total strangers, and our everyday life situations? The great thing is that the reverse is true as well. How soothing, joyful, and healing gratitude and service can be! 

Thank you, Clancy, for you thoughts today. I really appreciated the reminder! (And thank you, Sara, for your sweet attitude that has reiterated the thoughts roaming around in my mind the last few days! You make me cry. Get well soon!!) I have also been reading a blog the last few days about a couple from Arizona that is having a hard time right now --- their fight and their family. I have felt incredibly grateful for the blessings the Lord has given us -- and know that regardless of circumstances, there is always something to be glad about.

Lilie's Fab Five

As I came downstairs to check my email and blogs, Lilie was having a hard time trying to wake up from another attempt at an early-evening-stay-up-all-night-long nap. I asked her if she wanted to think of five things that make her happy as well. Of course, she did . . . 

1. My tongue.

2. Umm . . . I like . . . my hand . . . my left hand.

3. My blue Beedee (blankie).

4. Lovin' you. (ME! Her mommy!!! I love this girl!!)

5. Hugging. Because I like it.

. . . and left feeling much better.

I love this girl. What a wonderful example my children are to me!

(This is how you smile all the way down to your toes! :)

HOPE and CHANGE

Gotta say, from what I've seen so far, I'm LOVIN' this gal! I'm anxious to see how she stands against the crud and hypocrisy being slung at her right now and over the next few months . . . I've not known what to think of McCain, but I am truly excited over his pick for VP. 

I'm likin' this gal because she truly seems like the kind of woman - the kind of PERSON - that can help turn our country in the RIGHT direction.

Now, it's still just VP - and McCain would still be the President, and I'm still sorting him out - but let's just leave it with this sweet little truth . . .

"Let me tell you something . . . . The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants." 

(My Big Fat Greek Wedding)

Now, as I said, only time will tell, but thus far, I'm feeling great about this!

3 Summers in the Making

This past weekend Nels fulfilled a promise that was three summers in the making! Camping. :)

The past 2 summers Nels has been so busy with movie making and this summer has been filled with movie and going that the summer almost passed us by before we got a chance! :) We still haven't made it to Yellowstone yet, but . . . :)

We rushed as soon as Nels got off work to get up into the mountains, but alas, it still took a good hour and a half before we got out the door. Once to our desired canyon, we drove all around, looking for the "perfect" camp spot before it got dark. And indeed we found it - about 20 times - on private property. (I think I should have talked to someone about the area before we headed up there!) So we drove all the way to the top of the canyon, turned around and came straight back to the very first spot we'd seen. We pulled in just as it started to get dark. :)

We quickly got the tent set up so I'd have somewhere to put Elsie and Nels then got the fire going. (Have I ever mentioned what a fabulous fire-starter Nels is? It's one of the many things that continue to impress me! Truly! He is REALLY good! I love it! LOL! :) Nels fed the girls hot dogs as I set up beds and Elsie crawled around -- in and out of the tent -- getting incredibly dirty and LOVING it. As we prepared to put the girls in their cozy little beds, I went to grab Elsie's binky. (YES! She is STILL using her binky to go to sleep! I know, I know, don't give me any guff about it! :) WELL . . . her binky was nowhere to be found and she was REALLY tired. I searched all around the tent, in the van -- EVERYWHERE in the van -- and even in the bushes and UNDER the van. While looking on my hands and knees under the van for the ump-teenth time, I - again - didn't find her binky, but did find something equally "exciting".

I walked over to Nels, sitting lazily next to our fire.

I walk around the fire. Debating. Vacillating - back and forth, back and forth. Is it best to give your husband information that you can do nothing about (and will probably stress him out) as soon as you receive it, or to just enjoy your time together and let him discover it on his own in the morning???? Well, I've never been good at withholding information from Nels.

"So. I've got some bad news and some bad news." I say. "The bad news is, I still can't find Elsie's binky." As we hear her let out another sad wail from the tent. :( "The other bad news is - we have a flat tire."

AGAIN!? Are you kidding me?? This is the second flat tire in a month! -- And always at inopportune times. *** Oh well. Such is life.

We had a good rest of the night. It was a perfect night for camping - not too cold - and given the lack of the *bink* the girls slept extremely well. The next morning we bummed around, took a nap, and took a little hike.

Changing the tire was a job! By the time we finished, we were all tired, ornery, hot, and dirty. We figured, judging by the amount of nails littered across our camp site, that I must have driven over one as I was parking. (There are times when I feel like I do everything wrong! Pop the tire, lose the binky . . . ) But all in all, it was still a lot of fun to be together as a family.

Sometimes, I start to think that I don't want to do these "extra" things -- that it ends up being more hassle than it's worth -- but then I remember that these are the moments that memories are made from.


It's important to look at things not as a hassle (with days worth of clean-up) but as precious little moments that we are building memories and relationships with our children. It's important.


Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the ride. (Even if it gives you a flat tire now and then!)