Kaleidoscope: Post. Script. Post

When I sat down to write about my decision to homeschool, I expected to write one lengthy post ----- which then turned into five shorter-ish posts.

Oh, the curse of being wordy! 

I thought I would share a couple of articles or posts that have helped me to finally solidify that this is the right path for our family. Read them if you'd like. I thought they were great. The first two have absolutely nothing to do with homeschooling, they just really made me think about my attitudes and the desires I have for our lifestyle. 

Family Work: A long article, but made me really rethink our home. 

"Ironically, it is the very things commonly disliked about family work that offer the greatest possibilities for nurturing close relationships and forging family ties. Some people dislike family work because, they say, it is mindless. Yet chores that can be done with a minimum of concentration leave our minds free to focus on one another as we work together. We can talk, sing, or tell stories as we work. Working side by side tends to dissolve feelings of hierarchy, making it easier for children to discuss topics of concern with their parents. Unlike play, which usually requires mental concentration as well as physical involvement, family work invites intimate conversation between parent and child."

My Home As a Temple: I love this article. 

"I was startled to realize that she saw as "sacred" the very tasks that I always thought were obstacles to sacredness." 

I Can't Homeschool Because . . . : A collection of posts written by various homeschoolers addressing some of the most commonly used reasons against homeschooling. Two of my favorites where "Because I'm an Introvert" and "I Wouldn't Have Time For Anything Else".

Why Homeschool: The Gift of Time: "Even if we’re doing housework, we talk. Big, hard, thick questions about life, the world, Jesus. We get into the deep stuff over oatmeal. If the math makes the brain hurt, we go jump on the trampoline and eat a popsicle – that usually fixes most dilemmas. When tempers flair as brother upsets sister {or most likely sister upsets brother}, we talk it out and pray big prayers."

As I said, I don't know what's right for you. I just know what feels right for us right now and I'm pretty excited about it. I mean, seriously, wouldn't you be excited?! :)

Kaleidoscope: Part Five

I've been writing about this scary exciting insane new journey that I'm on right now. I'm incredibly long-winded, so I'm breaking it into parts. Someday when my kids are in the throws of Weirdness and I'm in the throws of Give Up, I want to remember why we started this adventure. 

As the viewer looks into one end, light entering the other creates a colorful pattern...

"kaleidoscope" is derived from the Ancient Greek καλός, "beautiful, beauty", εἶδος, "that which is seen: form, shape" and σκοπέω, "to look to, to examine"

you see many different patterns when you turn the tube while looking in

"The world is your kaleidoscope, and the varying combinations of colors which it presents to you 

at every succeeding moment are the exquisitely adjusted images of your ever moving thoughts."

So here we are.

Last year when the Lord told me, quietly, but firmly, that I should start thinking about homeschool, I was sick to my stomach. But over the past few years, I've really started to better recognize the gentle way that the Lord communicates with me. I've started to trust more. And so I did. I started to think about it. I even went so far as to make a tentative, "I think we might homeschool next year." (But I had to say it fast - without connecting my mouth to my logic-brain - so I wouldn't chicken out.

And then we moved. (isn't that sentence like the theme of our lives these past 3 years?! haha. except it's sort of not funny.)

When I was first looking at rentals here in Pullman, I looked at everything available through the eyes of "is there room to homeschool in that space?" Then the realities of finding a rental in a college town in the middle of the winter set in and I just pushed the thought off altogether. There was absolutely NO WAY I was going to be able to homeschool in a 1300 sqft. apartment with a small kitchen and only one small living area.

Truthfully, my logic-brain felt so relieved! Hooray! I can delay another year! But my heart felt kind of heavy.

We trudged our way through the rest of the school year. I was so frustrated. I felt so much like there was more that I wanted in our lives than living around the school schedule and homework requirements. Every day it seemed our entire lives were consumed with school from the time we woke up (hurry, hurry, hurry!) to bedtime (are you seriously still working on that? c'mon! hurry! we need to get to bed!) - with little bits of real life squeezed in between. (just leave it! we'll have to finish your packet after we get home from swim lessons. hurry!)

How do I read Harry Potter and "Where the Red Fern Grows" to my kids? How do they have time to just play? How do we take music lessons or do swim team? Those hours after they get home from school are so busy most days - messes to clean up, dinner to prepare, chores to attempt, appointments to keep. I started to feel like there weren't enough hours in the day to also teach them how to just LIVE. How to serve and work and cook and sew and vacuum and paint and just talk. All of those things had to be squeezed into the weekend, but by the time the weekend came, I was exhausted.

I want more. I'm selfish.

Then, early in the summer, I was talking to my friend Nicole about our situation. Nicole homeschools their daughter and does daycare for a couple other kids at the same time. I was telling her that I'd planned to homeschool, but then we were in this small space and so now it wasn't feasible. She said, "You know, we don't have a designated school space. We just do everything at the kitchen table and then I put things away in the cupboard. You don't have to have a big space. You could totally do it." The same day, my friend Jen, who just had their sixth baby, told me the same thing - that they homeschooled through dental school while they were living in a small space.

From then on, this impression that I should homeschool became the thought that would NOT go away.

To be clear (and I've had to be very clear with myself), if we left our kids in public school, I truly believe they would continue to do well. I am not saying that my kids are going to fail or that bad things will happen or that we can't make a good life even "running on the school's schedule".

What I do feel is that my perspective and priorities are shifting. I want something more. I feel like there is something different for our family. I feel that if we stayed on the path we're on right now, we would continue to do great, I just feel like maybe there is something better - and I'm willing to take that leap to find out.

We're GOING to homeschool.

There. I said it. It's out there. Phew! Sigh. Breathe. That it so . . . terrifying.

I've spent the last two weeks joining facebook groups for homeschoolers in the area, studying out and eventually buying textbooks, meeting other homeschool moms and talking to them about why and HOW. It's been awesome. As the possibilities unfold and I find curriculum that fits what I'm looking for - it's kind of exhilarating, actually. An awesome mom in the area invited me over to her beautiful home the other day and walked me through what their day looks like, what books she loves, what she's found that didn't work and what's worked great. She and I seem to be very similar and I will forever love her for doing that. It relieved so many of my anxieties.

All that said, I am still very nervous. I don't fall asleep easily and I wake up in the morning way before I should just thinking and thinking and thinking. It's so hard to shut it off, right now. My house is a mess and I have five loads of laundry that need folded because I've spent a large portion of the last week reading and reading and reading - lots of blogs and articles and resource websites. (Thank the Lord for the Internets)

I'm going to be teaching my kids from the same math books that I used growing up, I've found some really great history and science curriculum, I'm still trying to decide what kind of language arts resources I want to use . . . Holy moly. So many options!

But I feel like I can do it. I do. I even feel like once we get a good routine established, we can be done with school pretty much by lunchtime everyday. - That was the biggest selling-point for Lilie, "We could be done with school by lunchtime everyday?! YES! I want to do it! Please, please, please?" Hazel has been more of a hard-sell. "What about my friends? Wah!" My social lady. She NEEDS people. I've explained to her without having homework every night, we will actually have MORE time to invite friends over to play and that we will be able to be involved in sports and other activities where she can spend time with lots of other kids. Beyond that, I know that learning time with other children is extremely important for not only her, but all of us, so I'm getting involved in a co-op and another local group that gets together for field trips twice a month. And of course we'll make new friends along the way that are doing the same thing we're doing. She's starting to actually feel really excited now.

This year, I'm sending Elsie to 1st grade at the school and just keeping Hazel and Lilie home. They are so close intellectually that I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to teach them the same thing. It will take Lilie a few months to get caught up in math and grammar, but she moves so quick I don't think it will be a problem. Elsie is such people person that I think she'll really enjoy going to school this year (though admittedly she was a little bummed once she heard some of the things that we'll be doing), and then we will reevaluate next year. It will give me time to get my feet under me.

And as for the future? Who knows. Right now, we're just jumping. Both Washington and Idaho allow students to be double-enrolled. Meaning you can choose to homeschool and then also be enrolled at the public school to participate in anything from clubs to sports to band and choir to Chemistry or Anatomy - all sorts of options! And there are a lot of community colleges now that actually allow students to enroll in lower-level classes like Algebra and Chemistry while getting both high school and college credit! So awesome.

So there you have it.

We're going to homeschool.

I'm not at all sure of what the future holds, but I feel like the Lord has been guiding me to this place. I know that this path is my choice and it's one that I want to take. I LOVE all the different things there are to learn in this world and I'm so excited to explore them together with my girls. I know it's going to be hard and there are going to be times when I'm ready to give up, but I'm excited for the growth, for the adventure.

Kaleidoscope: Part IV

I've been writing about this scary exciting insane new journey that I'm on right now. I'm incredibly long-winded, so I'm breaking it into parts. Someday when my kids are in the throws of Weirdness and I'm in the throws of Give Up, I want to remember why we started this adventure. This is Part 4.

In Part 3, I covered what's been going on with Hazel the last few years in school. Lilie, is a different story.

Hazel has so much going on in her busy brain that it's hard for her to nail down one thing to focus on, Lilie has hyper-focus. Hazel is the child of never-ending curiosity and questions, Lilie is the intuitive observer. I never taught Lilie to read, she just listened to all of Hazel's questions (so many questions!) :) and just figured it out for herself.

We skipped preschool with Lilie. She doesn't crave the same kind of social time that Hazel does and I was afraid she'd be bored with Kindergarten if I did. Turns out, maybe we should have skipped Kindergarten, too. :) Two months in, Lilie came home and told me she didn't want to go to school anymore. I was surprised. "Why?? You love learning. Why don't you want to go to school?" Her answer: "Well, I already know all of that stuff so I'd rather stay home and play with you and Elsie. Then I could do whatever I want." 

Huh. I still sent her to school, but let her teacher know that she was bored. She told me that she'd do her best, but she still had a lot of kids that didn't know their ABC's or numbers and Lilie was already reading and counting to 1,000. (that was my favorite Parent Teacher Conference, when her teacher told me that while doing evaluations she'd had to stop Lilie at 200 because she was just going to keep on going. haha!)

First grade, Lilie had an incredibly energetic and artistic teacher. They adored one another. Even then, her teacher basically told me the same thing. She's bored. She catches on super fast, so she was trying to keep her busy with creativity while the rest of the class caught up.

Second grade, halfway through the year her teacher tells me that he'd actually been really frustrated with Lilie for not paying attention until just recently when he figured out what was going on. He had thought that she wasn't listening, but really, she was just bored. As he'd explain a concept, she understood it the very first time and then checked out while he re-explained it for the next 20 minutes.

By third grade (last year), Lilie finally figured out how to not frustrate or offend her teachers, so instead of obviously tuning out, she draws. Every. Single. Paper. Lilie brought home last year - the front would have quickly scribbled (and perfectly correct) answers and the back would have large, elaborate sketches, drawings, MURALS. Her teacher put such a positive spin on it with, "I think that's just her way of processing new information. As she's drawing, she's listening and learning." 

While I agree . . . clearly, she's got a LOT of extra time on her hands. And the conversation at home stays much the same, "What did you learn today?" Lilie: "I don't know."

Kaleidoscope: Part C

My Hazel has always done well in school. She is incredibly curious, social, and loves to make her teachers and others happy. She loves learning.

In third grade, however, Hazel started to have some difficulty with staying focused in class. Not like, she needs medication or anything, but she's just a distractible child. Hazel lives . . . outside of herself. She's very extroverted and loves feeling and hearing and seeing and just experiencing everything. If she's supposed to be concentrating, someone talking or wiggling or drawing next to her is sort of like . . . "squirrel!" :) This has always been the case, but in 3rd grade it became more apparent. I think, for the first time, she was actually being challenged with information she didn't already know. Her teacher discussed it with us and came up with some pretty good solutions to help her focus better. As time went on it didn't eliminate the challenge, but helped a lot and she made good progress.

As Hazel's parents, we already knew that learning how to focus and stay on task are things that she will be working on for a long time. A challenge as she learns to harness her vast mental and physical energy. We all have different traits that we have to learn how to use properly. She's not going to learn this skill in a couple of months or even a year. It takes time and it's just part of having a human body. I love my Hazel's ability to live completely in a moment - in a feeling, an experience. It's beautiful and unique.

This last school year started off really well. Hazel loved her new 4th grade teacher. His teaching style and organization fit Hazel really well. He was happy, she was happy, I was happy.

At this same time, I got one of those rare, very clear impressions from the Lord. It was time to re-label my homeschooling file folder.

{Interesting Idea: WILL Do WHEN Inspired (Start Thinking About It)} 

I didn't feel like I needed to do it right then, but I just really felt like I needed to start thinking about it. Uh . . . what?! Okay . . . that's scary.

Then we moved.

I really liked the new school and the girls did great at making new friends, the staff was wonderful, but it was still a big adjustment. We went from having a minimal homework load in Sandpoint with an emphasis on at-home reading, to 8 page homework packets that needed to be completed each week. From reading 4 or more books a month (for fun) to barely reading a short one (for a book report). Also, Hazel and her new teacher seemed to have a difficult time understanding one another. I got good reports from Hazel about how things were going, but then at her first PTC, I felt like all her teacher could see was where she was struggling. Not one positive that didn't end with, "but . . ." She also complained about Hazel not paying attention enough in class. Nothing new there - but when I asked what she would suggest we do, I got, "Well, she just needs to focus more." Great idea! Hazel was doing awesome, she was making progress in math, learning new concepts, loves writing and is very descriptive and engaging, but all I heard from her teacher is that she needed to do better.

As the months passed, my happy and curious girl started saying things like, "I'm just not good at this." "I don't want to go to school." "I'm not good at math." She was often in tears at the end of the day as she plodded her way through, not only the large homework packet, but as many as 4 pages of worksheets that didn't get completed in class that day.

All of a sudden Hazel's evenings were stressful and barely had time for anything but homework.

I finally emailed her teacher begging for mercy to explain the situation and ask for some help. I asked if it might be possible to eliminate some of the busy-work in the homework packets and wondered what on earth is going on in class that Hazel's not completing her work? Her response:

"I’ll admit, I’ve have been a little frustrated with Hazel. She seems to work at her own pace, slow and steady (but consistent and thorough which I like), so utilizing any and all class work time is crucial. I’m sorry for the frustration you’ve been feeling with the homework. If Hazel can do a better job staying focused, using class time productively, and taking responsibility for her actions, she’s going to be fine. She seems to understand the consequences for not completing work, and doesn’t like it. So I told her that that is up to her, she holds her own fate and responsibility to continue to make good choices every day."

{sigh} I'm a big supporter of "natural consequences" but from my perspective a good teacher should be working on ways to help her students, not just punish them for the things that they struggle with or shame them in class because they "work at their own pace." I emailed her teacher back asking if she had any solutions and got no reply.

To her defense, this teacher is young with only one very small child. I don't think she has any concept of what it's like to have a busy family life or how stupid it is to just expect that a 10-year-old will magically "do better" and "utilize any and all class time" all on their own by embarrassing them in front of their peers and creating a classroom that is noisy and disorganized.

All in all, we made it through the rest of the year, but neither Hazel nor I have ever been quite so excited for summer break.

Kaleidoscope: Part 2

I've been exposed to the idea of homeschooling in a several of different ways over the past 11 years; I've had friends that were homeschooled as kids and quite a number of friends that choose to homeschool their children now.

In Idaho Falls there was a family that homeschooled their four kids and I can remember other ward members saying, "She's crazy. I could NEVER do that. I'd go crazy!" And then there's the {dreaded},  "Plus, she's depriving her kids of learning social skills." (That one's my personal favorite.)

By nature (and nurture) I don't really like the word "can't" and by experience I don't use the word "won't" lightly. :) As I talked to this mom about her experiences, although kind of "radical," in my mind I put homeschooling under the category:

{Interesting Idea}

Later, I found that a close friend of mine had homeschooled her kids off and on over the years. I can clearly remember asking her about the social aspect of not being part of the public school.

"But Clancy, homeschooled kids are weird."

Her response is one that has hugely affected my views.

(paraphrasing) Clancy: "You know, there's actually a pretty large community of people here in Southeast Idaho that homeschool and they get together for big conferences on a regular basis. Because homeschooling is always on my radar, even when I'm not doing it, I attend and so I've met a lot of people that homeschool. One thing that I've learned is that the kids are only as weird as their parents."

Hahaha! HOW TRUE! And really, isn't that true for most people? We all knew weird homeschooled kids, because most of the people that chose to homeschool when we were kids were weird. :)

After that conversation, I amended my mental homeschooling file folder to read:

{Interesting Idea: Would Do If Felt Inspired (Thankfully I Don't)}.

As we've moved around the Northwest, I've met more families that homeschool - all with wonderfully social, polite, engaging, smart, and happy children - all with just enough inherited weird to make them fun. :)

Kaleidoscope: Part Uno

When we were young, my mom kept a journal for each of her kids. Such a great idea. It has helped me to realize just how much like my mother I really am.

It contains a single entry. From when I was two years old. :)

(I love you, Mama!)

If that journal - which she gifted to me when I was in college - weren't tucked in one of the many totes packed away on high shelves in our garage, I would pull it out and copy that one entry for you. Another day, perhaps. I can remember reading those 3 or 4 pages for the first time and being amazed at how much my two-year-old-self was so similar to my 19-year-old-self. In other ways, it helped me to know my adult-self much better as I looked at ME from the perspective of my mother in 1984.

One of the things that she wrote about was that I was persistent. Like most children (mine included), when my siblings were on the cusp of learning something new like crawling, walking, talking, etc. they would get very fussy and frustrated. She writes that I wasn't like that. I would just happily practice. Over and over and over and over. Until I got it. Then I would move on to the next thing.

I could never claim that I don't get frustrated. NEVER. But I will say that I've always had a love of learning. I find great joy in the process and practice of life - in general - and especially in the areas that I have power over.

Maybe that's what is driving me down this path? Maybe I just like trying new things?

Nah.

But it might be what's giving me the "cojones" to make the leap. :)

Poised

Look at this little blog here. So neglected.

I wonder why sometimes.

I think my brain got jammed up with "heavy" the last few years and before I can open it back up, I'm going to have to unload some of my weightier thoughts in written form. These bigger, denser thoughts all kind of string together and don't allow me to package them into the neat little parcels that I've enjoyed. I have to find a new way of writing.

As I look at my fingers poised on the keyboard, I ache for the flow of years past. I think it's time to come back to myself. I've spent a lot of time in my head, I think it's time to reconnect with the joy of words.

My blog was never meant to be a scrapbook. I've documented our family life here and there is a big, guilty part of me that agonizes over all the moments lost in the abyss of time - that were never recorded. - However, this space has always been MINE. It's therapeutic. It's about documenting MY journey.

Maybe that's why I haven't been able to freely write about adventures and trips and moments these last few years --- because I still haven't written ME.

Time for a new chapter, perhaps.