Thirty-One and Counting

I don't know why or how it happened, but somehow I never connected that after 30, comes 31. It was a strange day about 6 months ago when I realized that little tidbit. Yikes!

For my birthday this year, all I wanted to do was be go for a drive and be outside with my family. Funny how that seems to be all I want to do every year.

It makes me happy to feel the fresh air and sunshine.

This birthday was a little rough. I was feeling massively homesick on my birthday - and for about a week afterward. And while I miss my family, it wasn't just them - it was feeling lonely for HOME, for rest. I don't know why I can't get past this. I'm so tired of this feeling. Our landlord decided to put the house back on the market and it's been throwing me for a loop. I've been able to really settle into this home and our lives here and I've felt very peaceful, but it seems that every six months something comes up. Having realtors bring people by the house upwards of 4 times a week is annoying and makes it impossible for me to forget that this life is temporary and I am not the one in charge of deciding how long it will last.  - Luckily, I'm not overly concerned about the house selling - but it's still making me kinda grouchy.

My birthday fell on a Monday and Nels happily took the day off from work and I let the girls stay home from school. Hooray! I woke to happy children singing and bringing me breakfast in bed. What a sweet way to start the morning!

Clara helped herself to my berries. :) I love her tiny tootsies in this photo. :)

Then we spent the rest of the morning enjoying a day off. That afternoon we packed into the van and headed south to Lake CDA to ride a different part of the Trail of the Coeur d'Alenes bike trail. It was a beautiful spring day.

The only way to keep Clara from diving off the dock or performing the "wet noodle" act.

We loved watching the coots, herons, osprey, and other birds.

Lilie made up wonderfully detailed stories about this abandoned

"Pirate Ship" - she was just certain that there was treasure inside. :)

We rode up the river a couple of miles. It was slightly chilly as the sun was on it's way down, but it was so fun to listen to my girls and the stories that they make up together as they explore the world around them. Their enthusiasm always fills me with gratitude.

I'm so thankful for my life. It is truly beautiful. I'm so thankful for all those that I love and who love me. People who share their hearts with me. What a beautiful thing it is to weave our lives together. I truly feel that it is one of the greatest blessings of my life. There were so many people from both near and far who let me know that they were thinking of me on my birthday. Thank you!

And how blessed I am to share my life with six of the very best friends that the Lord could ever give me! There is no one of earth that I'd rather share my birthday with MORE than these . . .

I'm excited for what this next year holds.

Looking Out on a Better Point of View

Every year as winter wears on into February, I start to feel a bit gray. I mean, at this point, we've only seen the sun for a handful of days in the past 2 1/2 months and there's really no end in sight -- regardless of what Punxsutawney Phil predicts. Springtime in the Inland Northwest is a wet and cloudy affair.

This year I decided to find my own Vitamin D in Mesa with two of my most favorite people. 

Oh! Glorious SUNSHINE! It was heavenly! 

Clancy and I flew into 75 degree Phoenix last Thursday to spend the weekend laughing our heads off with our beautiful friend, Lynsey, resident Arizonian. Clancy and I have been friends since Nels and I first moved to Idaho Falls in 2006. Lynsey and I have been friends since introduced in 2002 by our to-be husbands (Nels and Ben) - who were roommates at the time. Lynsey and Clancy became friends through blogging and facebook, via Moi, so this was the first time meeting for the two of them. Fun, fun! The three of us have been trying to plan this meeting for the past 2+ years - only to be interrupted by pregnancy, babies, and moving.

But oh boy! it was worth the wait!

Lynsey, Clancy, Me

Thursday, after flying in, we spent the afternoon getting to know Lynsey and Ben's three beautiful children and trying to acclimate to the 60 degree temperature shift. :) That evening we headed to a hotel so that we could stay up until 4:00 in the morning laughing and talking without Lynsey still having to play mommy.

The next afternoon was filled with shopping in Tempe. Gyros, hippie shops, Urban Outfitters, and thrift stores. No heavy coats or boots. Aaaaaahhhhhhh . . .

Friday evening, we met up with Andrea to eat dessert for the first time in a month! and cry our little eyes out watching Les Miserables. 

 These next pictures need no explanation for their awesomeness.

Saturday was a day full of Firsts.

First massage . . . WOW!

First hike in the Arizona desert. I'm in love!

We hiked up to a lovely stream running down through the warm rocks.

There are petroglyphs all over the area and I'm guessing that at least some of them are original --- many clearly were not. :)

First time eating at Cheesecake Factory. Yum!

Clancy is a first rate Cartwheeler.

First time ordering a drink in a bar --- a drink called Ice Water, for which one must show your ID to a crabby female bartender.

This is our friend Grayson that we met at the bar. I'm guessing one of the only mostly-sober people there at 1:00 in the morning. He had a hard time believing that we have 12 kids between the three of us, was born in the Virgin Islands, and has some serious skills singing Bob Marley.

And first time singing karaoke --- in said bar. Terrifying, exhilarating, and our purpose for being at a hole-in-the-wall bar in the middle of the night! Two things: it is ridiculously difficult to find anywhere to sing karaoke on a Saturday night AND I honestly thought that I was going to pass out from fear and adrenaline at one point. Thankfully we all survived our anxiety, the creepies in the parking lot, and the hilarity of being in a dive bar after midnight. :)

singing Queen's "Somebody to Love"

Pat Benetar's "Hit Me with Your Best Shot"

and Clancy St. Crancy singing "Any Man of Mine" by Shania

Another "friend" HER name is Alex! :) She loved our song selection.

With two hours of sleep under our belts, we tearfully sent Clancy back to I.F. early Sunday morning and then spent the day napping, chatting, walking, and laughing at the Strader home. I'm so thankful that when Nels scheduled my flights he gave me one extra day. It was really, really great to get to spend some time with Dr. Benjamin! Both Lynsey and Ben have been two of mine and Nels's dearest friends over the years. I love them both so much and cannot wait to see them again.

The only thing that could have made the weekend better was if Nels had been able to be with us . . .

. . . particularly when, at about 10:00 at night we thought we heard a tomcat out in front of the house . . .

. . . only to discover that it was actually a drunk neighbor, who'd been stabbed repeatedly in the arm by his drunk father, crying for "help!" on the sidewalk!

No problem! First Responder Ben to the rescue with his sterile gloves and gauze . . .

. . . while the cops, firemen, and paramedics all looked on. LOL!

Oh, don't mind Ben . . . he's just bleaching a stranger's blood off the walkway . . .  WHAT?!

Monday morning dawned, having spent the entire night laughing and crying. Sleep deprivation at it's finest! My flight left at 6:25, while I desperately attempted to remain conscious enough that I could manage the 1 1/2 hour drive from the Spokane airport back to Sandpoint upon landing.

Thank you so much, Lynsey and Clancy, for an unforgettable and much needed weekend! You are two of the sweetest, funniest, and most fabulous women I have ever known and am so thankful to have you both! Thank you for loving and sharing so much with me. I have learned so many things that will help me be a better mother, wife, and Rachel.

And to Ben, Dustin, and Nels who all played Mr. Mom for the weekend to make this happen, we are forever in your debt!

Perspective

This post was written while coming off four nights with only about 12 hours of sleep. Forgive the "emo" but even though it may be jibberish, there are some things here that have been profound for me that I don't want to forget. I feel like I've found my tipping point.

It's 6:45 in the morning...and I'm sitting on a plane watching the Arizona landscape slide beneath me.

I've always been massively interested in maps. I love looking at them and following my progress across the beautiful countryside. I love the mile markers. I love the hills, the mountains, the valleys. I love the freeways and highways and country roads that at times snuggle up close and cozy and other times cut deeply across the terrain.

I've always loved flying. Since having children, flying has been accompanied with a great deal of anxiety, particularly upon take off and landing. I live for more than myself and that makes me nervous (read - terrified). However, even as I pray to see the faces of Nels and my girls again, I am completely enthralled with studying the world 35,000 feet below.

This weekend has been quite the trip. Spending three days with two of the most introspective women I know. Two women that I admire and connect with so much that they are some of the select few people that I actually care what they think of me. And that opens me up to some incredible vulnerability that I generally go to great lengths to avoid.

It was wonderful.

Not only did I get to gab the weekend away with Clancy and Lynsey, but I also got to spend the time with Lynsey's husband, Ben. Ben is: A) a dear friend, B) Nels's college roommate and bosom buddy, and C) soon to be Dr. Strader (currently in the final stretch of completing his doctorate in psychology).

I expected the weekend to be spent with lots of feelings, fun, and late nights. And it was. But I didn't really expect to be leaving Arizona feeling like I was in emotional shock. I've made some discoveries.

I live my life making maps out of what's inside. - Figuring out how to get from where I am to where I want to be. I have a plan and I navigate my way carefully, with great tenacity. And it works, for the most part. However, there are some paths that I take on (whether by choice or chance) that are difficult. I know that there is a stunning vista at the end of the trail, but I get to places that are frightening or that physically can't be traversed alone. Sometimes I try to go around the obstacles and the scary places, I try to muscle my way through the brambles or climb my way out of the canyons, but I simply don't have the right tools.

Sometimes I come to strong, wide rivers that I have to cross. I wade in, bull-headed and fighting the current. I will NOT LOSE. I end up holding onto a rock in the middle of the river, unable to go any further. It's too deep, too strong. At times I just climb up on top of the rock, sunbathing and happy, shutting out the turmoil. Other times I hop back in, determined to make it this time. I NEED TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE. Only to be swept just a few meters down to another rock where I claw myself out of the strong current and onto the next haven where I repeat the process.

Little do I realize that often the river never needed to be crossed, it just needed to riden. There was an easier and safer path at the end. Not as direct a route, but happier. And sometimes I don't realize that instead of trying to shove my through a tangled path or up a perilous climb, all I need to do is look to either side of me to find others who have been here before ready and willing help. They have the right tools and they know the way.

I'm trying to figure out why that's so hard for me to grasp.

Also, trying to get some new maps . . . or maybe just getting better at following the markers along the trail . . .