Shaping

Two years ago today I sat on Sandpoint's City Beach for the first time. I looked forward to the future with hope and a whole lot of uncertainty.

The last two years have been a struggle for me. I know I written that quite a few times now - and I think part of the reason that I haven't been able to put that to rest yet is that I haven't known exactly WHY.

I've always written pretty honestly on my blog, but even with my openness there are still parts of myself that I guard pretty fiercely and whose existence I don't always like to admit to, even with myself. It's been scary for me to explore these areas, but I've come to see that they are the answer to my question. I'm working on sharing some of the things that I've learned recently but in the meantime, some thoughts . . .

With all of our travels this last month, I've had a chance to step back from my day to day life and allow Father to speak to me. It has felt as though a long winter, followed by a blustery and wet spring, is finally, gracefully moving into a warm and gentle summer. A summer filled with delicate breezes, life-giving sunshine, and a bounteous garden.

Sunday I had a chance to attend our old ward in Idaho Falls. I sat among sisters who've influenced my life in ways that I would never have realized at the time. Women who took a very young mother under their wings and gave me a place to grow and to experience and to learn. It felt like home. Still.

An analogy has been playing though my mind lately and as I tearfully listened to "As Sisters in Zion", it finally, fully and forcefully, took shape.

While visiting my parents last month, a busy Spring had left my mom with quite a lot of gardening to complete. Bountiful is aptly named and in their rich soil quite a lot of things had grown vigorously and beyond their bounds. One morning I looked out the kitchen window and remarked at how beautiful it looked after she'd spent the last few hours pruning. 

"Yes, it does! There were some plants in there that were growing so happy, but they just look so much better when they're growing like they're supposed to."

My mind immediately went to this:

I feel as though the past two years have been filled with pruning. When contemplating our move to Sandpoint two years ago, I imagined the future and myself to be different than they are today. At times I have felt a mourning cry from within. "How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth and now you've cut me down." --- Melodramatic, I know, but still true.

I have mourned for that feeling of home and stability. I have mourned for the relationship that I once had with the Lord. I have mourned for the vision that I had of me.

As I've thought about my mom's drastic pruning, a thought struck me. Had the plant not been allowed the time grow with little restraint, it would never have survived the shaping. It's roots would not have been strong enough, deeply rooted enough to live and continue it's growth.

That's what our time in Idaho Falls has come to be to me. A time and a place where my roots, which had been sweetly planted in the rich soil of gospel truth by loving parents, could grow deep and strong. Firm enough to carry me through pruning and future storms which are sure to come. 

I am coming to see that "home" comes from within and stability comes from faith. I am developing a relationship with my Heavenly Father that is more personal and coming to understand what faith really is. And I'm starting to truly feel the love that Christ has for ME. Not because I am good, but because I am His - and I am good because I am His.

I'm so thankful for a Gardener who knows what He wants me to be and loves me enough to let me feel pain. Who loves me even when I am angry and afraid. Who calls to me and will gently teach me the Whys. 

I've Been Dreaming...

...of exactly this.

It just so beautiful! Some places are just made to have snow.

I may be singing a different tune when I'm sequestered at home for weeks while Nels takes the van to work --- since his car is bound to be worthless going up and down the mountain in the snow.

But for now, I just can't get enough of this white fluff. :) Clinging to the cedars and pines... {sigh}

Vi and I took a little walk today. The cat, Midnight, is more like a dog. He tagged along. We followed some dog tracks into the trees and found lots of pretty things.

When we returned I discovered one of the awesome things about having satellite internet...When it snows hard, you have to clean it off...

We're going to have to devise another plan...

Tomorrow the girls are going to build a snowman army in our backyard and go sledding down our non-exsisten hill. :) What I really wish is that we could close off the road for an hour and go sledding all the way from our house to the bottom! That would be awesome!

I really love living here.

The Long-Awaited Slow Down

I'd like to begin this post with a huge thank you to all of you who have put up with the massive ups and downs that I've had this past year - and still love me anyway. :) These kind of cuckoo swings are unusual for me. Thanks for being supportive. I promise to stop being such a baby, put on my big-girl panties, and get on with life. :) Our lives are so very happy and full and I am incredibly happy here in Sandpoint. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed how unsettled our lives have been. So thanks.

Anyway. Enough of that.

I've realized that it's been quite a while since we just did a good-ol'-fashion update, so here we go.

First off - I really like our new house. It's got lots of room inside and out and we've been LOVING IT. Seriously, I don't even know what to do with all the storage in this house. It's awesome. There is a huge family room upstairs that I'm still trying to figure out how to use and a big living room on the main level that feels just like home.

Unpacking has been an excruciatingly slow process. I think I'm just a little burned out of doing it, but every time I make some progress, it feels like the windows of heaven are shining down on me and I skip all around. :) It's seriously ridiculous how happy it makes me.

The yard is amazing and I'm really looking forward to all the fun I'll have in it when there isn't so much to do inside. There are acres of fun little areas to play in and the most perfect white raspberry patch that needs cleaned up. There are horses in the property behind us and a rooster that crows constantly next door. Last week we roasted hot dogs and marshmallows in the fire pit for dinner and then had a great time playing with the marshmallow guns I made for the girls - something like 3 years ago at a Super Saturday. :)

Since moving in, we've seen lots of deer and a bluejay (have you ever seen a REAL bluejay??? they're gorgeous!). The other night there was something or several big things in the trees to the side of our house, but it was too dark to know what it was. Makes me want to get a dog - but instead I think we're just going to get a new kitten. (hope it doesn't get eaten!) With the house, we've adopted the big, black cat that lives here, but I think today we might go find a new replacement for Gertie (who found a new home at my parents' house when we moved to Sandpoint).

We are all adjusting well to the new school year. Hazel and Lilie love their classes and Elsie is in preschool 2 days a week. She counts down every day until she can go again. It's so cute. I definitely don't feel that preschool is a necessary step for kids before they go to kindergarten, but the social time for Elsie has been really, really great. She just loves people SO much!

When we were at my parents house last month, one night my mom and dad had the young single adults in the ward they serve in come over to the house for a backyard pizza party. My parents have built a new outdoor pizza oven.) We made our pizzas and ate before "the singles" came over and then went inside as they started showing up. Elsie kept trying to sneak back outside. - I thought she just wanted to go back out to get another snow cone from Grandpa. - After I stopped her for about the 5th time, she scowled at me, stomped her feet, and just started crying because she "really needed to go out and meet the people!" She was so upset - not because of the treats - but because I wouldn't let her go out and meet all the new people who had shown up! :) She is such a funny little social butterfly. No matter where we go, she is constantly finding someone new to introduce herself to. Even at the pool, she will inevitably end up over by that couple that is sitting down from you on the steps making out (you know the ones - they're at every pool!). I'll take my eyes off her for 30 seconds and the next thing I know, she's down there telling them her life story and asking them their names. :)

So yeah. Hazel and Lilie are doing well. :) Lilie plays every day with lots of different kids, but - true to form - can only tell me about 3 names of the kids in her class. :) She just doesn't care that much about those kind of silly details, which I think is hilarious. Hazel knows everyone's name and can talk endlessly about who is nice and who follows the rules and who doesn't raise their hand. :) The differences between those two constantly amuses me.

Hazel's 9th birthday is this coming Sunday and for the first time in probably 5 years, we are going to have a birthday party with friends. (I don't like arranging parties.) She is super excited and we're keeping it VERY low key.

Violet is now 2 1/2 and we decided to finally potty train her last week. It lasted one day. I hate potty training. She is a joy to have around. A loud, silly, weird joy. :) She loves to be the family clown, is almost always happy, and is very concerned with whether the people around her are happy with her. She is still my most bashful child around strangers, but loves nursery.

Clara turned ONE last month - and I'm going to write up a post just for her. She is walking and jabbers a lot. She finally has TWO teeth and a couple days before her birthday, I set up her crib for the first time. :) I'd had her just sleeping in the port-a-crib in our walk-in closet in the other house. She has always been incredibly easy-going, but in the past month or so, she's decided to develop an opinion about things. She also will regularly tell-off anyone who gets in her way. She only says about four or five understandable words, but her tone makes the meaning of her jabbery rebuke clear as day. :)

Last week, Nels did something that I don't think he's been able to do more than once in the past 5 years. He took a whole week off of work. And not because he was sick, but because he had PTO to use up and he was able to actually do it. It was a miracle.

Violet and I had strep throat the week before and I was so worried that Nels was going to get it too and then be sick all week. Lucky for us, he avoided our germs. Unlucky for him, Sunday as he was helping the girls find their church shoes, somehow he hurt his back again and spent the next 4 days mostly lying on the floor on his back. {{{sigh}}} I say "mostly" because Monday he was feeling well enough to still make it to the Anthrax concert in Spokane with a friend. :) Ironically, the friend he went to the concert with is a chiropractor here in town. :) It was REALLY nice to have him around and Thursday he helped me make some serious headway in cleaning up the garage. He also took really good care of the girls while I was able to so a lot of cleaning and unpacking. I sure do love that guy!

Saturday Tracy, Tom, and Winston came to visit. It was REALLY great to see them. I think we'll be able to tempt them back more often. :) We took them down to the lake and the kids had a great time swimming --- even though we didn't have swimsuits with us. :) Who needs them anyway? My girls have no complaints about swimming in long sleeves and denim ruffle skirts. :)

As for me, things are going good. Other than the occasional mental breakdown, I'm actually really happy. Fall has rolled in full-force, complete with warm afternoons, cool nights, golden leaves, and the natural slowing down that always comes this time of year. The days are getting shorter and I find myself in a mad rush each evening to get everything done before the sun sets. Before I know it, the sun will be setting right after the kids get home from school. :) But until then, we are enjoying another beautiful season in Sandpoint. Last week we passed our One Year mark. It seems so strange how time marches on. In some ways it feels like just yesterday, but in other ways it feels like a lifetime ago. -- But I guess there are a lot of things in life that feel that way.

I'm finally starting to feel like we're getting into the rhythm of life again - with menus and baths and bedtimes. I'm baking bread again - if only I can figure out this new oven so I stop burning it. And I'm realizing (once again) that the more time I spend outside the better I cope with life. :)

Pics of our backyard.

.

On the Move

We're going to be moving at the end of this month.

Fun, huh?

We'll have been in this house for a full six months by then, so we figured, What the Heck! It's about time. 

Beyond a year and a half that we lived in a trailer in Rexburg while finishing up Nels's last bit of school and then our home in Idaho Falls where we lived for 4 1/2 years, I don't think we've lived anywhere much longer than 6 months.

All told, in the ten years Nels and I have been married, I think this will be the . . . 13th move for us.

Yep. We have a problem.

To top it off, of those 13 moves we've made, several have been within the weeks surrounding our anniversary. It's been either moving or I've been pregnant. Or both. For funsies, let's see . . . 

• got married and moved into our first apartment together. (2002)
• 1st Anniversary - pregnant with Hazel and moved back from a summer in Mnt. Home (2003)
• 2nd - pregnant with Lilie and moved back from a summer in Bountiful (2004)
• 3rd - Neither! It's a miracle!
• 4th - Neither
• 5th - pregnant with Elsie and had moved 1 1/2 months before. (2007)
• 6th - Neither
• 7th - pregnant with Violet (2009)
• 8th - Neither
• 9th - pregnant with Clara and getting ready to move (2011)
• 10th - MOVING

Hahahaha! That's hilarious. We chose the worst time of the year to get married. Ever. :)

So get this.

It's the best part.

We don't know where we're moving to yet!!! 

I repeat. --- Fun, huh?

We do, however, have a new family lined up to be moving into this house on September 1st. So we'd better figure it out by then. :)

We have a couple of options, but we don't know which one of those options we're going to choose. One of the places we're looking at is just across town - 500 more sqft, 2 1/2 acres of land, and lower rent and utilities. Our other option . . . well, you'll just have to wait and see with us. :)  And we don't have enough information to make a final decision. And I don't have any real control over WHEN we will.

{{sigh}}

THIS I do know. Wherever we land at the end of this month, is going to be really good. And I'm excited.

Right now, we are planning a trip to Utah this weekend. Which will be fun. We are going to the wedding of one of Nels's good friends from Ireland. She is getting married in the Twin Falls Temple on Saturday and I am so excited to meet her. And then we'll go to Utah for a couple of days before I ship Nels back home to work while I stay with my family for a few more days.

Our two week plan seems simple enough, but I have a feeling that it's just going to be the calm before the storm. :)

I'm going to take a quote from last summer . . .

"I have a feeling that August is going to feel like a tornado. Bring it on!"

Camping at Green Bay - Part II

The weekend after the 4th we headed out to go camping. I posted a couple of early morning pics from my phone last month, but I took a ton more.

Like anything I do in life, I turned our camping trip into an adventure that (I'm pretty sure) left Nels rolling his eyes, but we had a good time regardless. :)

For starters, we didn't get out of town as early as we'd planned and I didn't really know where we were going. We made a couple of detours along the way (because I just HAD to check out other campsites as well) and instead of choosing somewhere simple up in the mountains, I decided we should camp by the beach --- which had added an extra element of fun to not only pack camping gear, but also beach gear as well. :) When we finally made it to our camp it took forever to actually find the camp spots and then we got to pack everything in - because they are "no vehicle access" sites.

Oh well! It was fun! And if, after 10 years, Nels is still surprised by my lack of planning, indecisiveness, and talent for making things "exciting" then he needs to have is head checked. :) Which he may have been thinking about after walking back and forth numerous times to haul 7 people's worth of gear from the van to our camp.

Once we'd unloaded, we were in a mad rush to get the tent up and a fire built before dark. Good thing Nels is an expert fire starter and I am quite an amazing tent-setter-upper. By the time we were eating hot dogs, it was fully dark. :)

As we started cooking marshmallows, our camp neighbor, Hippie Luke, wandered over for a visit. I got the girls all tucked in and the three of us had a great time sitting around the fire chatting. Luke grew up the area, is probably about 32, and is in between jobs right now. I have a feeling he'd been camping in his spot for a couple of weeks. :) After a bit, his "friend" Andrea showed up. Andrea teaches violin here in town at the Music Conservatory.

We talked for an hour or two and as the fire was starting to die down, she pulled out her fiddle and played for us. It was magical to lean back, look up through the pines at the stars, and listen to that beautiful music echo across the lake. Seriously, it is an experience that I will never forget. Later, Nels and I walked down to the beach to sit and watch the moon rise. It was gorgeous. And worth every bit of my hair-brainedness that made it possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning was . . . thrilling as well. Violet woke up crying at about 3:45 or so. I think she was not fully awake. It took about 5 minutes, but once she had her sippy she calmed right down and fell back to sleep. Unfortunately, her crazies woke up Clara . . . who did not fall back to sleep. Nels and I wrestled with her in the sleeping bag for about two hours, occasionally she or we would doze for about 2 minutes, but in the end I just got up with her at about 5:30 and let Nels rest.

She's cute, isn't she? 

It's a good thing, too. Because I was not a happy camper about 

only getting 2 1/2 hours of sleep.

And not cute about it, either. :)

The trail from the bathroom to our camp.

My most prevalent thought while walking this trail?

"This is definitely not the same as camping in Utah . . . " 

So green and lush and humid. I love it. 

I love not having everything covered in dust by the time you get home.

Apparently all Clara really needed was to suck on some cold rocks in the morning to make her happy. :) ~ And all things considered, it WAS an incredibly lovely morning. Surrounded by the lake and the mountains, watching the osprey fishing, and watching my own little Chickie crawl around and babble to me.

One by one, my other Chicks emerged all feeling happy and refreshed.

My "little girl" is growing up all too fast . . .

I love Violet's "camping hair"!

And around the time that everyone else was awake, Clara decided she was tired. :)

We spent a wonderful day together swimming,

rowing around in the raft,

Eating Jelly Bellies

and playing in the hot rocks.

Our rock tower.

Lilie's "Sail Boat"

Heaven is a Place on Earth . . .

. . . or maybe Idaho. :)

Everyone kept telling me that they live for summer in Sandpoint.

Now I understand.

Wild Tiger Lilies

It's like living on vacation! 

-- Well, a vacation where you still have to go to work, do the dishes, 

wash laundry, and mow the lawn. :)

There have been several occasions when Nels has met us 

for pizza or hot dogs at the beach after he gets off work.

We've spent a lot of time at the beach! Hazel, Lilie, and Elsie actually just finished two weeks of swim lessons -- not at the pool -- but in the chilly lake! They loved it -- most days. :)

And lots of beach, means lots of baths. 

We've also played at the park,

watched "Back to the Future" with the kids for the first time,

read many books,

and used lots and lots of imagination!!!

(Lilie)