Sisters

"I could never love anyone as I love my sisters." ~Little Women

I think Lilie is the best medicine in all the world for Hazel! She has felt better since Lilie got here than she has all day. It's been kind of a rough day, but Hazel is like a completely renewed patient with Lilie here. Restored her spirit.

When Nels explained the seriousness of the situation to Lilie last night, she just lost it. She told me that she was just running all around the house so, so afraid. Nels said she was carrying on something fierce - about how sad and scared she was. She was disappointed at canceling our trip to Seattle, but really, really worried about Hazel.

When Nels and I traded off for an hour last night so I could go get some things, I returned home to find Lilie sleeping in Elsie's bunk bed with her. When I asked her about it today she said she was just scared. To which I replied, "So you just needed to snuggle a sister, huh?" She took a big breath and said, "Yeah ... But when it's like that, even a brother would do." :)

Elsie was much more logical than Lilie. :) While Lilie lost her head, :) Elsie reassured her that everything was going to be okay and it was just fine that we weren't going on our trip, because Hazel was more important.

Such sweet girls. I love them so!

I just can't imagine anything in the world better than having your sisters be your best friends.

Dropping the Ball

Tonight I lay next to my sweet Hazel while she receives hefty antibiotics and morphine.

I am overcome with immense guilt.

I don't know how to deal with it. I can't sleep. I want to just stay awake and stroke her hair and watch over get to make sure that she's okay.

I should have brought her in Sunday night. As I went down the list of symptoms for appendicitis, I could check off every. single. one.

In the end I hesitated --- vacillating over a minor detail and not wanting to spend the extra money on an unwarranted ER visit.

I could put some blame on the misdiagnosis of the pediatrician we saw the next morning, but in the end, I feel like I failed my daughter by not taking her in the night before. For discounting her pain for the next 36 hours. For pushing down my concern at her intermittent fever. For attributing her sallow complexion to not eating for a couple days.

I should have done better.


I'm so sorry, Hazel.
You are so beautiful and so good.
You are far stronger and braver than I gave you credit for.
Please forgive my weaknesses and stupidity.
Please know that there is no price so high that I wouldn't pay it to see you happy and healthy.
You amaze me with your strength and kindness and and gentleness.
I feel I don't deserve you, but thank you for being so forgiving as I stumble my way so clumsily through motherhood.
Thank you for the example that you set for me.
You and your sisters are my greatest gift.
I love you with my whole heart.
I'm so sorry that so much of the time I don't know what I'm doing or how to do it.



12 hours ago, after a second visit to the pediatrician in as many days, Hazel and I were sent to the hospital for a CT scan and it was quickly determined that she had a ruptured appendix. She was immediately prepped for and underwent a laparoscopic surgery to remove the offender and the resulting infection. She and I will be spending the next couple of days here in the hospital as she recovers.

Pumpkin Waffles with Apple Cinnamon Syrup

Posting favorite family recipes to my blog so that I can save them to my Yumprint cookbook! Yumprint just added a new "search" feature so if you've joined recently, let me know so that I can find you!

Moist, delicious waffles and the perfect syrup to top them off!

Pumpkin Waffles

2 c. flour (to texture)

2 tsp. baking powder

1 Tb. sugar

1/2 tsp. salt 

3/4 c. pumpkin

3 eggs

1/2 c. oil

2 c. milk

1/4 tsp. cinnamon, opt.

1/4 tsp. ginger, opt.

1/4 tsp. nutmeg, opt.

Mix all ingredients together and bake in waffle iron.

Apple Cinnamon Syrup

1/2 c. sugar

1 Tb. cornstarch

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 c. apple juice or cider

1 Tb. lemon juice

2 Tb. butter

Combine dry ingredients, then add apple juice and lemon juice.

Bring to a boil over medium heat to thicken and then add butter.

Whole Wheat Bread Recipe and a bunch of Links

In response to a couple of questions:

The website that I got many of the Christmas presents for my babes and also has FREE GIFT WRAPPING (how cool is that?!) is ReallyGreatToys.com

I love toys that are a little different than what you'd typically find at Walmart and right now they've also got a 10% off coupon (until tomorrow) and free shipping over $65. I'm sure that next week they'll have some great deals, but I was pretty happy with what they had available right now. I bought my kids several of the Schleich World of Elves figurines. Like a couple pegasi (LOL!) for Elsie and a dragon for Lilie.

Christmas morning is going to be very mythical at our house. :)

I also bought a BUNCH of these little Safari animal "Toobs" for Violet. We'll have lots of new little animals at our house - which will be wonderful because the girls all LOVE them.

Now, yesterday I was also reminded that I've never shared my bread recipe with you. My reason for this is partly because I've only ever made bread with my Bosch and I know that most people don't own a Bosch. (But you should.) Also, I grind my own wheat and most people don't have their own wheat grinder. (But you especially should if you have wheat in your food storage.) The Bosch is great. It's a work horse that will last forever. It also easily makes 4 loaves at a time. I think a KitchenAid could handle a half recipe, but with a family of 7, nothing is in small batches anymore. :)

This recipe is easy, only requires a few ingredients, and only needs to rise once. Also, from start to finish - even with grinding my own wheat (unless I'm blogging at the same time :) - I can have the my bread made and rising in the pans with the counters cleaned up in 30 minutes. Making bread does require a little trial and error to get the consistency right. I think whether you're making bread loaves or cinnamon rolls, learning the consistency of bread is probably the thing that takes the most practice, but once you figure it out - you're set.

So here we go.

Whole Wheat Bread

INGREDIENTS:

6 c. warm water

2/3 c. oil

2/3 c. honey

2 Tb. salt

2 Tb. dough enhancer, heaping (opt)

6 c. whole wheat flour

2 Tb. SAF yeast, heaping

7-8 c. whole wheat flour

INSTRUCTIONS:

Place the water in your bowl. Temperature is important when making bread. I don't own a kitchen thermometer, so I go with good and warm, but NOT hot. (Don't want to kill your yeast.) Apparently about 115-120* is perfect.

Add oil next and then, using the same measuring cup, add the honey. Doing so makes the honey slip right out, with no scraping.

Add salt, dough enhancer, 6 c. flour, and yeast in order, mixing as you go.

Lastly, continue to slowly mix in flour until the dough starts to clean the sides of your bowl. I find it is usually about 7 or 8 cups, but does vary depending on how exact I was with my liquid ingredients (and maybe the phase of the moon or something). Take care to not add too much. Generally once it stops sticking to the sides of your bowl, it doesn't need much more. You want a dough that is still slightly sticky, but not gooey. It will take some practice to figure out the precise consistency that you're looking for, but honestly with this recipe, even the times I've added too much or too little, it's been very forgiving.

Knead dough for 7-8 minutes.

While dough is kneading, grease four large bread pans with shortening.

Once kneaded, dump dough out onto an oiled countertop. Divide into four equal parts, shape into loaves, and place into your greased pans.

Set your loaves in a warm area and let rise until about double the size. I go for about 1" above the edge of the pans.

Bake at 350* for 25-30 minutes. 

When loaves are nice and golden, remove from oven and immediately slide out of the pans. (Leaving loaves in pans to cool will cause them to stick.) Set your loaves on a rack or clean towel to cool and butter the tops while they are still hot.

A couple of side notes: 

*I use a Bosch, which can handle 4 large loaves. If using a KitchenAid, half the recipe. 

*The use of dough enhancer IS optional. I ran out a couple months ago and have yet to buy more. However, using it produces a fluffier bread. You can find it at most whole foods stores or your local Bosch Kitchen Center.

*Since homemade bread doesn't have all the preservatives that store-bought bread does, it obviously has a shorter shelf-life. Once my bread is cool, I slice it up, bag it, and put my extra loaves in the freezer. Bread freezes beautifully. Bread bags can be bought at Walmart (packaged as Great Value Twist-Tie Bags) or at your local Bosch Kitchen Center.

*If you find that your bread is not rising as it should, evaluate whether the water you used was either too hot or too cold. Too hot and you can kill your yeast. If it was too cold, try setting your loaves in a warm dishwasher (not running, of course!) or in a warm oven - set to 200* with the door open. 

*The quality of your yeast can make or break your bread. My favorite is SAF instant yeast. I've been able to find it at a local grocery store in every city we've lived in. I know that Winco carries it for a very good price. Once opened, I pour the remainder of the bag into an airtight container and keep it in the fridge or freezer.

*I do believe this recipe could obviously be made by hand - but it would probably require more like 10+ minutes of kneading to achieve the desired elasticity. Kneading can't be scrimped on. It is what activates the gluten in your bread that holds it all together.

Happy bread making! And happy Christmas shopping!

You're Invited . . .

. . . to Rachel's Morning!

My kids rooms are always a mess. Always. Unless I clean it. Even after THEY clean it. Actually, I'm lumping everyone into the same boat and that's not fair. Elsie cleans her room and makes her bed very well. She's five. Hazel and Lilie's room almost always looks like this:

They are NOT five.

I don't know what's wrong with them, but I'm pretty sure that it's the same problem that I had as a kid, so I'm hoping that someday (probably when they've moved out) the'll grow out of it. 

I've even stopped just shutting the door and ignoring it. I'm on them EVERY. DAY. to clean their room. And they do. But then somehow by the time they wake up the next morning, it looks like this again. I guess gremlins come into their room at night and do it . . . 

I'm going to start painting my family room today! I'm excited. I don't like plain white rooms. As soon as Elsie is off to preschool, I'm going to break into the trim and hopefully have it all edged by tonight.

It's always messy, too. 

But it's big and supposed to be played in, so I don't care as much.

{Except when Vi empties the bookcase. That makes me nuts.}

I really like this room.

And I also really like this room:

I painted it blue and it thrills me.

I love blue. And I love clean, fresh paint.

This kid it sometimes messy, but I don't really mind.

Clara has started eating again. I'm so happy. She was losing weight and she doesn't have much to lose. Who knows what's going on with her.

Our neighbor's basset hound comes in our backyard often. She's cute and her name is Lily. Whenever I call to her, I smile. A lot. "Don't poop in our yard, Lily!" :) Right now she's . . . what's it called when a basset hound . . . yowls? Yodeling? If you can remember the sound that hounds make, ten points to you. :) OH! Nevermind. 10 points to me. I remembered! Baying! She's baying.

Nels broke the whisks on my Bosch several months ago - while making cookies. *Don't add the flour to cookies with whisks.* I mention this because it's random, they haven't been replaced, and I'm using my Bosch to make bread as we speak. 

Yes. We're speaking, didn't you know? 

Except for you, it's sort of like a conversation. For ME, it's only two way if you comment. Sad, huh? 

You should talk to me. So I'm not talking to myself.

And the reason why I'm speaking blog while I'm making bread? Because if I sit down to write something, I can't remember what it was. However, if I just write snippets while I'm doing something else, I'll remember things and not get frustrated that I'm sitting in front of the computer in a stupor.

But now I just realized that I don't have enough honey . . . do I just make two loaves or do I go to the store? I detest going to the store. Think there's a substitute for honey? --- In bread? Doubtful . . . hmmm. We're going to try a little corn syrup and molasses . . . because even if it sucks, at least I didn't have to go to the store. :) 

OH! Happy DAY!!! I just found some extra honey right behind the molasses! My bread is saved! And would you believe it? It was the exact amount that I needed to finish the recipe. Heavenly Father even cares about bread.

I haven't been able to find my measuring spoons for more than a week. Clara takes them. And I just found them in here:

on the floor of the pantry next to a bag of rotting potatoes. One of the worst smells on the planet.

Again speaking of bread - the price that bread companies charge per loaf is CRIMINAL! It honestly costs ME maybe $.50 a loaf (Amber, Julie, Marilyn - have any of you priced out the cost per loaf?). How much could it possibly cost a company with all their equipment and availability of bulk ingredients!? Criminal, I tell you! 

Bread is one of the staples in our house - and we go through a LOT of it. I typically make bread once a week, 4 loaves per batch (I store the extra in my freezer). Comparable bread (that has lots of ingredients I can't even pronounce!) would cost me close to $4.00+ a loaf. It's hard to calculate how much money it saves us every month, considering we eat quite a lot more of my homemade bread (about 4 loaves a week) than we do when it's store-bought. But on the flip-side I buy considerably less snacks because my kids are even more happy eating a fresh slice of homemade bread with butter on it than they would be with a handful of crackers. 

All I know is that if you are considering getting a new kitchen appliance, make it a Bosch (and if you can, a wheat grinder). You'll never be sorry.

Back to how I DETEST going to the store, I have almost all of my Christmas shopping done!!! Online shopping is pretty much the best thing since hot bread. :) I got nearly everything I needed at either Amazon or a cute little online store that is going to gift wrap everything for FREE.

How fun is that going to be on Christmas morning?! Not even I will have seen many of the gifts before they are actually opened! I'm so excited!

I spent nearly two full days sitting in front of my computer in my pajamas. Sometimes I would feel like a loser, but then I remembered how my kids were getting fed, getting TV'ed, and getting napped, while I was price comparing and looking for online coupons -- all without having to drive over 100 miles! That while I was trying to decide between the red or the blue one, I wasn't also having to stop one {or more} of my kids from emptying the store shelves or taking a dive from the heights of the shopping cart and I'd instantly feel a lot better about myself. 

When Nels got home from work and I was making dinner {and wondering if I'd brushed my teeth}, I could tell him of how I'd been shopping all day and nobody had had a major meltdown. Me included.

I wondered if maybe I should wait until Black Friday to buy a few things, but in the end, I figured that the peace of mind in knowing that it was done and everything I wanted was in stock, outweighed the possibility of {{maybe}} saving $20.

Well. My friends.

My bread is risen, baked, and filling my house with the sweet smell of Home. Elsie is off to school. Violet is watching Cinderella. And Clara is emptying out my Tupperware cupboard and all of my clean rags. Again.

It's time for me to leave you and go put in my contacts so I can start in on painting the trim. 

Thanks for keeping me company this morning!

Pumpkins, Cemeteries, and Pierre-the-French{wo}man

It seems that Halloween often gets hijacked at out house. My dad's birthday is the next day and there has been many a year that I have packed up my kids, left Nels working late, and traveled to Utah for Halloween and the party the next day.

This year, I spent about 5 hours thinking of doing the same. It was my daddy's 60th birthday and I really wanted to be there for the big family surprise party... Then I grabbed hold of reality and decided to sit tight and enjoy the time here as a family - and I'm so glad I did!

We had such a wonderful time together! We went trick-or-treating with some great friends in our ward. Each child had a similarly aged buddy and bounded happily along the sidewalk collecting sugar. Elsie and her friend Dallin held hands most of the way -- and with her super hero abilities, she even bestowed "electric powers" upon him. - Which was incredibly helpful since he was dressed up as a Gameboy.

With a no-sewing and no-buying edict this year, we kept the costumes to what we already had. Much less work for me! I've made costumes almost every single year (and love it!) but this year I needed a break. No late nights making peacock feathers or sewing flamingo wings, no ironing stars onto wizard hats or putting the finishing touches on R2D2. :)

There are also no pictures at the present time. :) (hopefully we get the one they took at the trunk-or-treat)

Hazel was a peacock one night & a super hero the other
Lilie was a ghost & a bat again
Elsie was a super girl
Violet was a clown
and Clara was a chicken & a clown

They were adorable, and it was very satisfying to see another year's of enjoyment out of past years' energy.

So since I don't have a costume picture, here are a few other halloweenish pics for your enjoyment.

First off, our punkins.

And our first snow of the season.

Next, a picture of the place Elsie wanted to drive through on our way home from a friend's house one October day. "Mom, can we drive in that graveyard?"

"Would it make you happy, Elsie?"

"Yeah, Mom. It's creepy and pretty."

Sure, kiddo. Anything for you, my darling girl.

And lastly, Violet's self-made costume makeup on Halloween morning. :)

Accompanied by her stunning blue eyes.

Saturday's Super Seven

Wrote this and then wasn't satisfied with it, so I didn't post it. Oh well. It's fine and I'm going to post it now. A week later.

So I really wanted to write a Fabulous Five, yesterday, but with only allotting myself 1 hour and then writing about how I haven't been writing (such a productive use of my time), it didn't happen, so I'm going to do it today instead.

1. The glorious sun is shining! It's been so rainy and cloudy the past few weeks and it is a godsend to see the sun today. Being so far north, the days are getting shorter and shorter and shorter - so the Vitamin D I'm getting as I type this post has been in short supply.

2. Last night we spent the evening playing Yahtzee together. I love that our kids are getting old enough to play real games! I recently read a statistic that said, on average, parents spend about 35 minutes a WEEK actually talking to their kids. That's ridiculous! Just eating dinner together every night increases that number by over 5 times! I obviously feel like I spend a LOT more time than that talking "at" my kids every day, but as I sit and think about it, there are some days that are probably severely lacking in real communication. As a mom, I'm really trying to work on that. Trying to work on really listening to my kids and letting them talk. They are such wonderful people! I'm so excited that as I get to know them better and better over the years, I'm always learning how amazing they are. They are so FUN! and I'm so thankful that the Lord blessed me with such wonderful friends built right into my family.

3. I'm going to start painting the big family room upstairs today! ---- or at least filling nail holes and painting trim. (not quite as fun, but necessary) The kitchen got all finished yesterday and as soon as I put a last coat on the doors and it's magically clean for more than 2 minutes, I'll take a picture. I love paint!

4. I have most of our Christmas presents planned out! I'm excited to not have 14 billion things I'm making this year, but I'm hoping to get started soon on the ones I am. Last night I finally started working on Violet's and Clara's stockings that I never finished last year. I read just the other day how I had planned on finishing them up right after Christmas last year . . . man I'm cool.

5. Thanksgiving is in less that 2 weeks and I am SO EXCITED! We are heading to Monroe to be with Amber and her family. I get to see my new little "cousin-niece" and I seriously think about it every. day.

6. I had Parent Teacher Conferences with my girls' teachers this week. I love PTCs. I love hearing about another person's observations on my girls. They really are such good students. They love learning. Both Hazel and Lilie are excelling at reading - both testing at about a 5th grade reading level (whatever that means). And both are doing amazing at math and writing. Another thing they share is an occasional tendency to not pay attention in class --- but each for somewhat different reasons. :) Lilie, I believe, gets bored. If she thinks she already knows it, she finds something better to occupy her brains -- usually doodling and drawing -- much to her teacher's dismay. Hazel, I think, just gets distracted. Her brain grabs hold on a new train of thought and finds it difficult to pull her back to what's going on in the present. Thankfully, neither have had their grades suffer from their wandering imaginations, but it's still something that they're working on.

7. As I mentioned yesterday, life seems to be reaching some kind of new normal. As I calculate things up, I realize that it has been nearly three and a half years since I've been neither pregnant nor had a baby under a year old. No wonder I feel like a new woman!!! My hormones are finally evening out! It feels like a miracle. sometimes a little bit sad. But mostly really awesome. Life is good.

The Sound of Silence

When I think about the rise and fall that my blog goes through (and is currently going through), I feel so sad.

Life is so busy right now, that I can hardly find the time and energy to record it. It's heartbreaking to me. But even now, I look at the clock and tell myself, "No more than an hour." If I'm not finished, so be it. That's all the time I'll allow.

It's a new way to live. By nature, I want to be able to fly by the seat of my pants. No commitments, no schedule. I wish that I could flit from one thing I love to the next --- and that somehow time would stop along the way --- so that I could enjoy each activity to the fullest, without the sacrifice of something else.

But that's not life.

And I finally feel that after 9 years of being a mother, I'm getting it down. I'm figuring out how to keep our household going each day.

And as a result the things on the alter have been my blog, traveling to see family, down-time. But I'm getting into a rhythm. The house is staying in order, the laundry isn't getting out of control, homemade bread is getting made once a week, and (thanks to Yumprint!) dinner is getting made every night.

And I'm not burning myself out.

That's important.

It's been amazingly satisfying.

And there is going to be time to blog again. I'm just trying to figure this out first. And I'm trying to figure out how to not be so "all or nothing". Because I know that at any one time of the day (at least before bedtime) I don't have undivided time --- time when I'm not going to be interrupted at any moment with things and darling people and schedules that need my attention, I've been using my free-time elsewhere. But I miss my blog. I miss the time and the experiences that are passing away.

I'm going to try to do better. But it's going to be a slow process.

So what HAVE I been doing?

Beyond sweeping the floor four times a day?

Seriously. {{sigh and a head shake}}

And making a lot of beds, washing a lot of clothes, cleaning and cooking and running all day long???

Well, I've been slowly working my way through organizing things that probably haven't been organized since I was pregnant with Violet. :)

I've been unpacking boxes . . . still.

I've been picking out paint and painting the kitchen. ---- It's so beautiful! You're going to love it. I love blue kitchens . . . and yellow kitchens. But I don't love dingy green kitchens, with dirty brown doors. Blech!

I've been working out again with Nels.

I've been spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to get Clara to eat . . . that's stressful. Baby behaviors are an enigma.

I've been trying to teach my kids responsibility. Which is painful! I feel like a drill sergeant! And I'm subsequently thinking of no longer having my two oldest girls share a room.

I've just been trying to figure out how to run my life and trying to figure out why it's taken me this long to figure it out.

But I'm thinking that five pregnancies and five newborns and five toddlers (often overlapping) and multiple moves have had something to do with it.

Sometimes I feel like I've been in a perpetual state of transition for years.

So sorry for the silence. Sometimes I'm going to be here and sometimes I'm not. If you're wondering if I'm still alive - pick up the phone. :)