Checks Isn't Money

Okay, I'm really not trying to blog you to death -- even though past tendencies might make you wonder -- this is just TOO funny.

So I came down to check my email this afternoon. As I was reading through my first one, the doorbell rings. I keep reading. When you have a 6-year-old neighbor and a 3-year-old daughter that both have an obsessive need to ring the doorbell, you don't bound up the steps every time you hear "ding-dong", right? So Hazel comes down the stairs 30 seconds later, telling me someone is at the door and they're wanting "peas". (What??? I never actually did get to clarify what she was talking about, but usually seeking for clarification reaps no rewards, so I didn't ask.)

I bounce up the stairs and there are two skinny, tank-top sporting, stringy-haired, teenage-ish looking girls standing at my door. They ask if I have a moment (sure, humor me!) and start on a schpeil about how they're in this competition to earn as many points as possible. (OOooo! Really?! :) How they are in this "pre-college" program for young adults going into communication/public speaking careers -- so they're out there practicing their skills and having fun "earning points". :) And if they win, we get $1000 (!) to use toward educational purposes and they also get an "all expense paid trip to ANYWHERE in the world!!! Guess where we're going???!!!" :) "So, we have to fill out this little survey, ask you a few questions -- is that okay? Can we come in?" Me: "Sure, have a seat and watch for the Legos!" :)

So they start in on their little questions, "What's you favorite color? . . . WOW! Did you know that 84% of the population choose blue as their favorite color?" (Incredible! I know . . . :) "What are you're hobbies?" "What is your occupation? . . . Oh really?? So, like the domestic goddess, right?" (Ha ha! These girls, by the way . . . you can tell they've just graduated from high school . . . you know what I mean . . . Like, like, like, OH REALLY?! :) "If you were given $1000 what would you do with it?!" I immediately answer that I would pay bills. -- They sit there and stare at me for a moment with blank looks on their faces and then say, "Oh. Well you have to choose something fun." (Oh. I thought that WAS fun! :) How far does $1000 go in a family of 5??) So I say . . . whatever, something silly.

Anyway, they ask me their little survey questions and then hand me their "points brochure" displaying a wide array of magazines. "So, we get our points from the magazines you choose. How old are you kids? You could get one for each and we'd get fifty points!!!" (Oh MY!!! How exciting for US! LOL!) 

So I must ask the unthinkable . . . "I pay for these 'points', right?" 

Oh, yeah - of course. "What are you husband's hobbies? I'm sure we have one he'd like . . . " --- So at this point I smile at the sweet girls and say: 

"I really wish you the best, but I don't have money for magazines." ((shrug)) 

"You know, they're really not that expensive . . . "

"Yeah, I know, but you remember that answer I gave you before about the thousand dollars? Yeah. I really don't have money to spend on magazines. ((shrug, again)) Sorry." ((with a smile))

The "talker" gets an enlightened look on her face and then gives me a look of pure joy, "Oh, well, you can write a check!"

 . . . . . . . . . . what? . . . . . . . . . .

I got news for you gals . . . checks isn't money! HA! LOL! --- I don't have money. -- You can write a check. (((insert head-shake here)))

"Umm. I don't have money for magazines."

(((insert sad Charlie Brown music here)))

"oh . . . well, that's how we get our points . . . "

Sad, isn't it? Just so sad . . . . on so many levels.

These "sweet girls" are from California. 

They've just graduated.

They still don't understand that checks are not money that you get to write for yourself. 

AND

they also don't seem to understand that they are getting the bum end of this contest deal. They are here "EARNING POINTS!!!" :) :) :) (selling magazines) and they're not even getting PAID for it! :) They only get a "prize" if they win! :) LOL! This just makes me laugh so hard! --- BUT they are getting this "great opportunity" with this really "neat program" that gives them "experience practicing" their speaking skills. LOL!!!

Just TOO hilarious! "You can write a CHECK!" 

(By the way, I am well aware of the fact that my title and punch line in this sad story is grammatically incorrect. Nels was pointing out to me last night that I often speak funny. That I don't arrange my sentences the way most people do. He made a point to say that they're almost ALWAYS correct, just not normal. I, of course, told him that I know that -- I'm retarded and I can't help it. I even notice what I do and cannot seem to correct my compulsive weirdness. (And I really have no desire to do so - as evidenced in my blog. - I even write retarded.) I also know that in my hastiness to tell a story or get my point across, I often make up words and interrupt myself (and others). I also occasionally get stuck putting words together wrong, because I don't want to correct myself and I think it sounds funny. I get a kick out of KNOWING that I said it wrong. And it's always said incorrectly with a smile. :) :) This evening, as I was recreating this experience for Nels, I did exactly this. I used this incorrect phrase. He got such a kick out of it, that he INSISTED that I title this blog after said stupidity. --- Just so ya know.) LOL!