I
do.
Often.
I envy those people who have everything organized and put together all the time. Who remember where they put things, plan events years ;) in advance, and have perfectly organized closets. I am a pretender. I think that those who don't know me well believe I am one of these people --- for truly I aspire to it. - Occasionally succeeding at some of that. I talk big. And I keep a clean home - which is not the same as organized.
But for those who know me best, I can never hide what I truly am. I am only able to hide the self-loathing I feel. They tease me, and I laugh, but inside I hate my shortcomings. The things that I often unconsciously do.
Like this evening. I am planning out my preschool lesson for tomorrow morning - at the same time I am trying to clean and get three kids in bed by myself. My sweet mother is coming, I'm really excited, but now notice every speck of dirt and dust in my house - knowing it MUST be obliterated, to the best of my ability, before she arrives. And tomorrow is my dear Lilie's birthday and I want it to be a special day for her. So I finally sit down at ten, realizing that the time has come to get to it on my lesson. Suddenly!!! I REMEMBER!! I PLANNED THIS LESSON EIGHT WEEKS AGO when I was at the craft store! I decided to make sun catchers with the kids and bought all the little plastic thingys and the paint and everything!
. . . . .
where did I put them??
I search the house. Every single place I can think of. TWICE. THREE TIMES! Just in case. I CANNOT find them. . . . . . . . Maybe I didn't end up buying them.
Yes. I did. I bought them the day that I bought Lilie a little bag of marbles. Which she temporarily lost in the craft store, while I was looking at the different sun catchers. The day I took the kids to eat at McDonald's with Stefanie and her kids. I remember asking the clerk about the paint as I checked out. I BOUGHT THEM. I KNOW IT.
And I can't find them. AAAaaarrrrrrrgggggggg! I hate being retarded.
In more happy news: I don't have cancer. Awesome, huh? I was blessed with many little frecklish moles from my dear father - who was blessed from his mother - who died of melanoma. I had a couple of them removed the other day, as we now are finally insured for the first time in our entire marriage. I was worried. I think I'm a bit of a closet hypochondriac. But, I don't have cancer. So I guess that's one good thing. :)
4 comments:
I often feel the same way! I often get called organized but if people could really see my closets, cupboards, and bedrooms, then they would really know! I don't like calling it dumb but a symptom of motherhood! Mommy brain don't you know!
Not having cancer is definitely a good thing! And don't worry about the feeling dumb thing, I'm pretty sure stuff like that happens to everyone. Even the "really put together" types. No one has it together all the time.
You are not dumb! and I am thrilled that you don't have cancer! I didn't know you were a closet hypochondriac. Maybe we have more in common than I thought =). Not like I didn't think we have a lot in common just that we have more. yeah! We can be weird together.
Someday you'll find those blasted suncatchers and you and your girls will have so much fun creating wonderful bits of color for your kitchen windows =).
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