Stuffed with Fluff

When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; 

you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish.

-- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne

Sometimes I get bored. I start blog-hopping all around, checking facebook and whatnot, and get a tiny bit irritated, thinking - Why aren't more people writing on their blogs? After all, don't they know that I need something to do while avoiding my kitchen? :) Then I remind myself that I haven't posted on my blog much in the past few weeks either.

Problem is, I don't feel like I have much to write about.

I think my brain is either A) on auto-pilot - turning to goop from just staying at home and doing very little or B) is overloaded - so crammed with thoughts and worries and uncertainties that I can't get anything to actually dislodge.

I both crave and fear change. I love adventure and spontaneity - but only within the parameters of safety. I DO NOT like uncertainty or risk-taking. I LOVE stability.

I like spontaneity - as in, I don't actually have to plan things. Or prepare. I enjoy flying by the seat of my pants and making spur of the moment decisions. It doesn't give me time to think too much. I like that.

I over-think things.

I like adventure and fun. I like being irresponsible. There's a part of me that thinks life would be perfect traveling around the country like gypsies, living in a motor home and doing home school while driving from place to place to place. Part of me.


There is another part of me that thinks living on a beautiful farm, far away from everyone and everything else sounds perfect. To never leave home. Absolutely and purely simple. Part of me.


Both parts are over-simplified, but still . . . :)


I love where we're at and then at the same time, I want to pack up everything and move far, far away. I sort of think that I get overwhelmed by things I don't like and things I can't change and perhaps, running away seems like the easiest way. Eliminate the uncertainties of life, by not having those responsibilities anymore. Worried about what to do with the house? Don't have a house anymore. Have external worries from people that aren't part of our family? Don't ever associate with anyone who isn't your family. Simple, right?  *smirk* :)

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

-- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne

Sometimes I want everything to change, sometimes I wish that nothing would ever change. But there are a few things that I would NEVER change - the important ones. I have a husband that is my very best friend in the whole world. I have four beautiful daughters that I love more than anything. In all my different ideas and whims, that never changes. I love being a wife and I love being a mother.

All the rest, is just fluff.

Justified Expletives

Explanation for the occasional expletive:

In the past week, I have fished not one, but two household items out of poopy toilets.

I'm just going to let each of you, who pass judgement on me, think on that for a while --- and then let me know how you feel about my potty mouth. :)

The &@# Potty

Elsie just told Nels, as she finished brushing her teeth, "We need to close this damn potty."

. . . Looks like I have another New Year's Resolution.



On other news, Violet is officially walking today!

. . . So Elsie is actually right. We DO need to keep the {*blankity*} potty closed.

Hibernation

I know so many people who get ultra motivated at the beginning of the year - resolutions, diets, new exercise programs . . . me? Nah. I feel like hibernating.

Wait, Rachel! Didn't you post - in your very last post - about resolutions? YOUR New Year's Resolution??? Sure - but you know, that's more of state of mind kind of thing . . . and that can happen any time, right? Like incorporating "strength" and "consistency" into the month of January, might just mean that I actually still make dinner - or - that the laundry room doesn't turn into a dump heap. It's vague enough to mean what I need it to mean for today. :) :)

For now, I don't want to do anything. Yesterday, I didn't.

Every time I've had to run errands (or even take out the garbage), I procrastinate it. Of course, that could have something to do with the average temperature hovering right around 6* for the past two weeks . . .  :) Maybe. It could have to do with forgetting Violet's coat while we were in Utah for Christmas. It could be that Violet fights me every time I have to put her back in her seat. It's hard to wrestle a triple layered baby into a rear-facing car seat! Maybe in a few weeks, I'll just flip her around . . . would you report me to the police if you saw my nearly 11 month-old facing forward? I've flipped every one of my kids around at about 11 months. So sue me.

Speaking of V-V, she's almost walking. She's been able to for probably a while, but she's a little nervous about it. She's just started taking some very tentative steps. One or two at a time, before she sits down and crawls instead. She cruises like a champ! She's SO cute. She's also starting into the mess-maker stage. She pulls out everything in my bottom cupboards lately. - Makes cooking and doing the dishes an obstacle course. She is going to be a busy baby, I can tell. Elsie was so easy going in this regard, but I've had ones like this before . . . Oh please, little Vi. Don't be as busy as your oldest sisters were! Please! :)

 . . .

. . . So yeah. Hibernating. I'm sorry if you don't see me for a few months . . . I really just want to eat a whole bunch of cookies, snuggle up next to the heat vent, and fall asleep on the floor.  -------  See you in the Spring!  :)

Resolve

What a beautiful year it's been.

In so many, many ways.

There are many uncertainties in life. Lots of highs and lows. Sometimes life is a bit like a roller coaster, but I'm so thankful for all of the twists and turns.

The lows teach me that I need other people. How to let others serve me and lift me. How to empathize with others and how to "put [my] shoulder to the wheel" and move along, even when it's hard.

And the highs teach me that I am strong and good. That my life is beautiful and blessed.

{Among so many other things}


This year I want to learn how to turn to the Lord more and be more humble.

I want to learn how to be a better mother - more like my own mother. Some of the most common sights I saw growing up were of waking up to find my mother reading her scriptures in the early morning dark or seeing her on her knees in her bedroom. She is such an incredible example to me of faith.

I want to be more like her. I want to teach my children Who they can turn to for peace, comfort, and stability. I hope that I can be more like my Savior and also offer those things for my children.

While I often feel like I do these things well, I often feel like I fail too. That all too often I don't have the consistency to stick with things and through things. I don't prepare nearly well enough. Too often I fall back on my weaknesses when things get hard, rather than pushing through.


I want to learn how to be stronger. To follow-through better. To be more dependable and more reliable. To be more constant. There are a few ideas - things that have been at the top of my "Essential to Life" list for years and years. Things that I am going to once again work on, with renewed energy. They are simple, but life changing.

Our lives are always changing and will continue to do so, but I want to work on bringing more peace into my life and the lives of my children and husband.


Key Words for 2011: Strength and Consistency


Thank you to each one of you who have blessed me with your love and friendship this past year. I am truly blessed with some of the best friends that anyone could ask for. Whether you are close or far, far away - I want you to all know how much I love you. - How much you give to me.

Thank you.

May the Lord bless each of us do all that is required of us and to find Joy in the Journey.