No Handbook Provided . . .

I so love when one of those raging-mad moments can turn into a teaching moment.

{{{sigh}}}

There is a merciful God in Heaven. I know it.

This evening, while dinner was in the oven, Hazel, Lilie, and I had it all out.

The emotions went from zero to crazy in about 10 seconds.

There was a great deal of dust and dirt, sassing and weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth going on. It wasn't pretty.

I tell you what --- you don't want to get into a power play with me. I can hardly contain myself. Just ask my family about how Rachel can't help herself but have the last word.

Darn it. I still haven't really grown up in many some ways.

However, once we all calmed our-sweet-selves down and the dust and frustration was washed down the drain, I had a chance to sit and talk to my girls while brushing their hair and painting their nails. We got to the heart of the problem and were able to commit to do better in the future.

Sometimes in the heat of the battle and the busy-ness of each day I miss out on these moments to connect with my kids ----- but when they DO come . . . it's like heaven on earth. I would say that those are some of the most rewarding experiences that I've had - certainly in parenting but perhaps in my entire life.

Hazel is always so open, so transparent. She is so forgiving and understanding and so willing and wanting to do her very best. She reminds me so much of Nels in that way. I love it. I'm pretty sure that she teaches me far more than I teach her. It is so vitally important to her to be able to talk through the issue, resolve it, and then let it go with a smile and a hug. When I get upset, she just melts --- her emotion level always matching my own. I can see how, through her, the Lord is giving me an opportunity to grow and learn to be a calmer and more loving mother. He is teaching me how to be more like Him. God truly sends very special (and strong) people to be first-borns.

Lilie is harder to crack open. She holds her fears, insecurities, and guilt close to her heart. It doesn't even come across her face or often manifests as anger. She is so like me. She takes things harder than I realize. We sat on the bathroom floor and I painted her finger nails bright red tonight and as I did, she told me (through tears) how she felt like the consequences that inevitably befell the two of them were all her fault. We talked about what happened and talked through her feelings. It's been amazing to me how in the last couple of months, we've had a few of these moments and it has been so wonderful to have a chance to help her understand herself a bit better and, in so doing, I come to see myself a little more clearly.

I've often complained that children don't come with an instruction manual. I mean, seriously. What kind of Plan is this? that sends sweet, innocent children down to a couple of dummies for parents that have no clue what they're doing???

However, over the course of the past 9 years, I've also been given some very clear impressions that this is EXACTLY the Plan.

And for good reason.

This is the way it was meant to be and our learning here on earth is definitely not finished when that first little child is placed in our arms. That's when real learning begins.

For all my practicing, I'm never going to get it all the way right ---- but as long as I'm doing my best, the Lord can make up for my severe shortcomings in both my life and the lives of those sweet, innocent children.

And tonight, I'm so thankful that it ended well -- with both girls cuddled up on the couches clean, smiling, and reading

-- and that there are two loads of laundry that I'M not going to have to fold tomorrow.   :)