Mother's Day

Violet is sick. My poor little baby. Congested and coughing. Saturday Nels fell asleep earlier than I did and took Violet with him. Because I'm awesome, I decided to stay up longer and watch a few more episodes of 24. Around the time that I was ready to hit the sack, Nels brought her back down to me, saying that she seemed uncomfortable and was probably hungry. She also had a low-grade fever. After having to take Elsie to the hospital for a respiratory virus when she was a newborn, I get a {little} anxious about coughing babies. I was up with her until almost 5:00 making sure that she wasn't getting too hot and that she was still breathing okay.

I knew I wouldn't be taking her to church in the morning, so when the girls came into our room, hungry, at 8:00, I pulled myself from the depths enough to ask Nels to feed the girls. I vaguely remember him saying that he wasn't feeling good, but then he got out of bed and I once again succumbed to incoherency. 

Fifteen minutes later, Elsie was crawling on me, sticking her bony, little knees and elbows painfully into my bones while poking Violet's sleeping face and trying to make her clap. I sent her to go find her dad, but she immediately came back saying that Daddy was sleeping downstairs on the couch. I told her to go play with her sisters, but she refused. Resigned, I got out of bed. With Nels sick, I couldn't very well expect him to take care of Violet, (plus, he's not great at nursing) so I decided we'd be staying home from church. Besides, with three hours of noncontinuous sleep under my belt, I really wasn't up to getting ready and then wrestling with three little girls through Sacrament Meeting by myself. 

In a stupor, I entertained Elsie -- or rather kept her from "entertaining" Violet for about an hour, washed the day-old-stinking dishes, cleaned up the living room covered in Legos, blocks, play food, and dried up bread, changed Elsie's peed-on sheets, changed my puked-on sheets, and swept the floor. All the while, feeling mad about this stupid made-up holiday. Determining that in future years, we wouldn't be celebrating "Mother's Day." I decided that it was a retarded holiday, only serving to make me feel unsatisfied and disappointed when it turned out to be just another day. 

Who cares if Nels is sick?? I got three hours of sleep last night! I had a baby two months ago. I've been sick every other week for two months and haven't gotten a full night's rest in FOUR! I have a baby who I desperately love, but who wants be held almost non-stop. When I'm not feeling good, do I get to go sleep undisturbed in the dark basement? I . . . I . . . I . . . Me . . . Me . . . Me.

At that point, I decided that I didn't want to stay home having my self-proclaimed Pity Party, I'd like to go for a drive. Take the kids up in the mountains. So after lunch, I packed some apples and cheese sticks, loaded the girls in the van, and left Nels sleeping downstairs.

After an hour of "how much longer???" we arrived at Palisades Reservoir. We drove across the dam, checked out a campground, talked about landslides and boat trailers and ground squirrels, and finally ended up at the same spot we went to last Mother's Day. 

The water is much higher than last year, not leaving a lot of "beach" per se, but who needs sand anyway? Dirt and sticks are just as good. :) We ate our snack, rolled up their pants (or in Lilie's case, used my pocketknife to cut her pants into shorts :), and turned them loose.

See? Not much beach. :) The road here runs down to a much more sandy area, currently covered in water. 

They had a wonderful time together making "boats" out of driftwood and playing pirates and mermaids. Here Lilie is using her stick to dig diamonds (rocks) out of the dirt. :) I was sternly reprimanded for not bringing their shovels and swimsuits. :) Somehow or another, I didn't think 60 degrees and breezy was appropriate swimsuit weather. 

They were wet and happy. Lilie said that she wants to lived there. Hazel thanked me for teaching her about "stuff" like rockslides and hydropower. Elsie was happy that by the time we left, the water "wasn't cold anymore." Violet ate and then slept the whole time. After an hour and a half, I cleaned off their feet, stripped off their pants, and got them back in the van. On the way home, they said that it was a best day and that they were so happy. 

We got back home and while I set about making dinner for everyone, really talked to Nels for the first time all day. I apologized and repented for being such a stinker all day. He was still not feeling good. He's been under a lot of pressure at work (like always) - feeling frustrated with a demanding job that never seems to have an end in sight. I feel so bad for how short and snippy I was with him all day. He works so hard and is so good to us . . . to me. Why should one day of him being sick override all that he does for us each and every day?

If I have expectations that Mother's Day is supposed to be some glorious, work-free, praise-filled day, as often as not, I'll be disappointed. Instead I've realized that for me, Mother's Day needs to be a day that I get to be thankful to be a mother. A day that I can enjoy the service I give, rather than expect to be waited on. A day that I get to enjoy being a wife and being able to teach and to love these sweet little people. 

As the day finished out, I realized the three hours of sleep were catching up with me. Around the time that we finished family prayer, I felt the old familiar achy-ness that preempts my getting mastitis. I got some good solid sleep last night and have been gorging myself on Vitamin C. This morning, though not feeling tip-top, I'm not feeling any worse. 

I love being a mom. I love my kids. I'm so thankful to my sweet mother who I'm POSITIVE can sympathize with the lack of pampering that I felt today. She is such a good example to me of patient love and service. I hope that I can be just like her when I grow up.