Well, February is gone, and March is here. I don't know how it happened.

Everything feels like such a jumble in my head right now. It could be the lack of sleep last night talking, but it feels like it just keeps on going.

When we chose to move down to Pullman, we settled on a small basement duplex. Our lease goes through the end of June and I figured that would give us plenty of time to figure out what we wanted to do - that it would be easier to find someplace else as spring came. However, being a college town, our landlord wants to know right now - not if we want to stay month to month, but if we will be signing on for another year - and she wants to raise our rent. She wants to know so that she can start advertising to college students before they leave for summer.

We've only been here two months. We've only just unpacked. I just barely hung up pictures on the walls. *Boo hoo. Poor me.* I don't know what to do. I don't want to switch schools on the girls again before we buy a home and I don't know when that will be.

We could find somewhere bigger - somewhere I won't feel quite so antsy, but I can't stomach paying more than a house payment in rent and will it really make me less antsy?

I don't know what to do . . . again.

Unpacking . . .

It'll kind of be like unpacking your house after someone else packed it up. You're never sure what's in the box and all too often you've got a bunch of random things in there that don't belong with the rest and you don't really know what to do with them. Yep. That's what this post is going to be like.

Speaking of unpacking, I've still got about 25 boxes to unpack. I'm not thrilled. I'm tired of unpacking. I feel like I've been unpacking for 2.5 years.

It's been foggy for the past three days. Everything is covered in hoarfrost. The weeping birch trees look like frozen fountains. It's kinda magical.

Hazel, Elsie, and Lilie can think of nothing but going to see their cousin, Winston, who is now a mere 30 minutes away. I don't blame them, those Moores are pretty great.

All three of them are also adjusting to school really, really well. I know I mentioned this in the last post, but seriously, I can't even express what a relief this is for me. I worry so much that we're damaging them by not allowing them to put down roots anywhere, but they are a testament to me that we have all the stability that they need right here within our family. They teach me.

Violet and Clara have watched too much TV the past two months.

Violet and Clara are learning to play really, really well together. It makes my heart happy. Today they are dressed up as a princess and a jack-o-lantern.

Orange is Violet's FAVORITE color. That makes me happy.

Clara doesn't really love clothes. Unless I put her footie pj's on backward (we had to cut all the "footies" off months ago), she wakes up naked, freezing, and in a soggy bed (because she also takes off her diaper) at about 2:30 every morning. Since implementing the "straight-jacket" sleeping method, we've all been much happier.

Violet is getting new glasses sometime this week. I am really hoping that it (again) helps mellow out the melt-downs that are so uncharacteristic of her pleasant, easy-going personality. Winter comes along and she spends lots of time drawing and her eyes get so tired. Her old glasses are too small and hurt her ears, so she doesn't keep them on.

Amid the thousands of wonderful things that I've not recorded in the past year, Violet got her hair cut by her Aunt Genny this last Thanksgiving while we were in Utah. It's adorable and she loves it.

Clara loves to dance. Any music results in a spontaneous dance-party.

Clara is SO SASSY! Many, many unexpected things in her life are met with, "Why you do dat???" One of our last nights in Sandpoint, she was playing chase with Daddy and I scared her as she came flying around a corner. She jumped, squealed, and then immediately said, "Why you scare me, Mom?!!!" We took the girls to see "Frozen" a couple weeks ago and right at the most intense part of the movie, it's silent, and the princess has just turned to ice. Everyone is very sad, of course. Clara yells, "WHY YOU DO DAT, DAD???!!!" It "broke the ice" (haha) and everyone in the theater laughed.

My girls are growing up so much. While I was at our new place with the movers to unpack the truck, Hazel stayed home from school and babysat her three younger sisters for NINE HOURS - and was still smiling when I relieved her at 5:00. I was only a 1/4 mile away and checked on her frequently throughout the day, but she did awesome. I really count on my Hazel. She loves to read, loves to talk, loves to be with other people, and loves learning. She has one of the most pure hearts I've ever known.

Lilie reminds me of myself daily. She loves creating and colors. We had a tour of their new school the Friday before everyone came back from Christmas break and she asked repeatedly about the art class. :) She is an incredible artist. A true introvert, it is so hard to pull information from her about her day and what's on her mind anytime but in the quietest one-on-one moments. She talks plenty and LOUDLY, :) but it's hard to hear what's in her heart without listening. I'm trying to learn how to listen better.

Elsie is such a little people-person. She is loving her new school and LOVES being the "new girl". Her teacher adores her and commented on how wonderfully she's transitioning - as if she's always been part of their class. At her first parent-teacher conference in Sandpoint, her teacher had talked about the possibility of moving her up a grade. She's ready, both intellectually and socially and only misses the cutoff by a month. Nels and I spent a day or two thinking about it and in the end decided that she's right where she needs to be. She is really starting to develop helping others and reaching out to those who may be struggling as a big part of her personal identity. We feel that it's a benefit for her to be older in her class. It thrills my heart to see her take others under her wing so much. She is such a warm person.

This is Elsie with her friend Henry before we left Sandpoint. He was in both her Pre-K class last year and her Kindergarten class this year. To say that he LOVES Elsie would be an understatement.

Nels? He's doing good. He likes his new job and he even gets to come home for lunch on a regular basis. He told me last week that because of security measures, working real late at this job isn't even an option!! Can you believe it?! :) Really, they seem like a great company. And starting today Nels and I are doing another 30 day sugar fast - like we did last January. Gotta get ready for Costa Rica this summer! :)

As for me, I'm really looking forward to the day when I break down the last box. In the meantime, I scheme all day about what I want to do that evening when the kids finally go to bed and I "clock out" for the day . . . so far I haven't been able to actually DO that since we moved in, but I keep hoping.

(my first knitting project - in our temporary apartment - before the boxes and boxes and boxes came)

And most days, since I don't leave the house (and sometimes when I do), I wear something colorfully crazy --- because it makes me happy (and sometimes hides my hair that I haven't washed in three days).

I'll have to remember to pair up that hat with the orange tights, multicolored skirt, and blue slippers I'm wearing today. :)

Time to Move On

Well, hello there.

 . . . . 

So . . . we've had some changes in our lives. 

What's new, right? 

In November of last year, Nels got laid off from Coldwater Creek.     

It was scary. It was hard. It was good.

Nels immediately got to work with emails and phone calls to put the word out there that he was looking for a new job.

Right away side jobs and inquiries started rolling in. Within a month he had several paying projects in the works and two job offers -- one in Pullman, WA and one in Seattle. We decided to sleep and pray on it.

The next morning, I awoke to Nels's telling me that he knew where we needed to be.

So here we are - in Pullman, Washington - set right in the middle of an ocean of rolling wheat fields called the Palouse, seven miles from the Idaho border.

We are settling into a mild, snowless January (what is this place?!). Nels is feeling good about his new job and the team he works with (that's a great thing). The girls are loving their new school (I should have known they would do awesome) and after living like nomads for two weeks, I am slowly getting us unpacked into our new home (a 1400 sqft daylight-basement duplex). We all are finally sleeping in our own beds (WITH SHEETS!) and while we lived in temporary housing, I picked up knitting as a new hobby (always good to have something to spend more money on). 

We are really hoping to love our new home, but one thing I've learned about over the past few years is that I'm a slow transition-er. I feel a little like I'm hibernating as we get used to our new surroundings, 

but I'm praying for a glorious Spring.

Where the Heart Lies

In August, when we found we were to be moving homes again, I was stressed. With the shortage of larger-ish homes in Sandpoint, I had reason to be. I kept looking and looking - praying that a perfect home in the right price range would surface.

A couple of days into the search, Nels asked me if I'd considered moving into something smaller and cheaper (which are far more available). Flashes of living in a tiny 3 bedroom apartment with our four wild girls and brand new baby flipped through my mind - along with a flood of the stress of that crazy time. My annoyed answer to his question make me smile and remembering the tears that followed make me laugh right out loud.

Sometimes I think, when faced with a new dilemma, I ought to just sit and think of what I'd like to do the least and then just go with that first. I think it would save me a lot of time. :) My mom always told me, "Never say never." The taste of "nevers" in my mouth has gotten pretty familiar over the years. :) Lucky for me, most of those nevers have turned out pretty well. 

After exhausting all the other avenues and having only a couple more days to find a place to live before the new owners moved into our old house, I finally asked Nels what he thought about moving into a smaller townhouse that I'd previously ruled out. :)

Almost immediately after we got settled into our new home, I felt completely overwhelmed with how comfortable we are here. The layout flows smoothly and after moving a few things into a small storage unit we fit very comfortably. 

It feels like home. Again.

I think this is such an amazing thing. 

Home. 

It truly is where your heart lies - and my heart lies with the people within these walls.

It's a soggy Sunday night. Nels has been taking a much-deserved nap since we got home from church about four hours ago while I've enjoyed some uninterrupted time crocheting and watching Church films and BBC shows. Upstairs my girls have spent the rainy afternoon and evening playing together in their bedroom. They've kept me smiling the whole time as I've caught snippets of their conversation and games. They are quite clearly playing with their new Lego people and building grand homes for all of them. Occasionally I hear them break out in random movie quotes and brief bits of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree". Clara is napping, but it makes my heart just swell right up to hear my older girls playing so happily with Violet. She loves them so much.

I wish so badly that I could hold on to these moments. That I could perfectly record the little voices as they drift down the stairs, their innocence as they share potions and inside jokes, the quiet, cozy light from the lamp, the drippy-drip off the roof, and the peace I feel all the way down to my toes. I wish I had a way to preserving it so that I could come back to this moment and play it over and over and over again.

This will just have to do - inadequate as it is.

We are so blessed.

Release

There was once a time when sitting at this screen felt like second nature to me. As I'd trot through my day, I'd think in Blog. My mind felt alive with thoughts that I couldn't wait to release. I look back at those days and much of what I shared was trivial, mostly sweet joys of the day, but I also felt the thrill of giving life to something that was once just inside.

As I sat down just now, the Post Screen felt foreign to me --- wondering what it is that is inside. What is it I want to share? I've exhausted my avenues of time wasting today and I've either got to get it out so that I can stop non-feeling it or get busy so that I can tuck it away in my Later drawer.



This last month . . .

About a month ago, Nels came home and told me that Coldwater announced that they are "looking into alternatives" to stem the financial difficulties that they've been dealing with the last few years.

After the initial yikes! the peace came. Whatever happens will happen and we will be fine. The past two years have taught me nothing if not how to roll - and how to have faith that we'll keep on rolling to a better place - both outside and inside.

Last Wednesday, I called Nels while out shopping for Halloween costumes at Goodwill:

"What do you think of robbers?"

Nels: "Sure. Sounds good."

"Great! I've found perfection. What are you doing for lunch? Maybe we'll stop by."

N: "Um. I'm at home."

"Oh, you should have called me so that I would be home."

N: " . . . I'm taking the rest of the day off."

" . . . . . . Why? Is everything okay?"

N: " . . . I'll talk to you about it when you get home."


Coldwater Creek laid-off about 20% of their employees last week. Today is Nels's last day.

We have both felt the sweet peace that comes from the Spirit - that all will be well. Nels has felt very firmly that this whole process will lead to better things.

Bless him.

These last couple of months have been challenging. As we moved, Nels has been my rock. Constantly encouraging me and building me up. When I've felt like I'm running on fumes, he's been ready to take the next step and let me know it's not too hard. It's gonna be easy! :)

I love him.

With this new hurdle, I've also felt good. I feel confident. But at the same time, today I'm tired.

I so love stability and as I look forward, it just looks like uncertainty and change and it feels weighty. I know there are rays of goodness and light creeping around the edges of this blah. I know that once I get the toys cleaned and my bed made and my body washed, I'm going to feel better

- but it'd be a lie to not acknowledge that right now I just kinda feel like curling up and crying.