I Am Not Dead

Hey there! I'm still here.

We have been having a fun summer so far!

We had a Chick family reunion in Colfax, WA.
We puked for a week.
Kendall and her girls came to visit for a week - Hooray! - and school finally ended - Hooray!
We cleaned for a week, started a new exercise program with Nels that left me unable to bend my knees for 3 days, and I spent free time preparing to speak in Sacrament Meeting.
Now Melissa, her girls, and her Kippy are here - Hooray!
I will spend most of the next week hopefully at the beach, working on projects, enjoying small-town parades and fireworks over the lake, and cleaning my fridge so that my mom won't do it for me when . . .
My Mommy and Daddy come to visit me the following week!

I love families.

I love the beach.

I love summer.


Oh, and P.S. - Clara started walking. She's really good now - walks almost everywhere she goes. This video is from a while ago - while Nels was in New York ---- but I thought I'd share. :)

Photo Challenge Day 14 - Eyes

Well, I'm nearly halfway through my photo challenge (it really has been a challenge) and it's almost halfway through the year. Maybe I'll finish by Christmas. :) I definitely do things at my own pace.

The subject for Day 14 is "eyes". I've been thinking about this one for a while and knew that I wanted to do Violet's eyes --- because they are stunning. But getting a two-year-old to hold still and look at me long enough to take a picture of her eyes is quite the process! I finally got one the other day when she was buckled in her carseat. :)

Violet inherited her grandpa Chick's pretty blue eyes. I think all of my ladies eyes are very unique and gorgeous, but no one in my family growing up had really, truly blue eyes and I think hers are so striking. People comment on them all the time.

When Sharing Isn't Caring

You know, a little puke can always help put life's little dramas into perspective.

Or a lot of puke. Sometimes it takes a lot.

Started with Claraboo, spread to Vi-vee, then to Mama and Daddy, followed by Hayzizzle, then Elsmarie this morning, and LilieLoo this afternoon. 

Lots. Lots of puke.

Lilie is my favorite puker. She sits right next to you, panting puke breath right in your face about every 30 seconds. Either that or she's moaning tunes in the bathroom. She's . . . really something.

We had a wonderful time with the Chicks this last weekend at our annual reunion. I'm SO glad that the puking waited until it was over. - Well, for all of us except Clara. And by "over" I mean - on the drive home.

I got pulled over for speeding as we were driving through Sandpoint. That was awesome. But I did get out of the ticket by apologizing to the officer in advance should I up-chuck on his shiny shoes. The retching from the backseat, by Violet, didn't hurt either.

Fun times at the Chick house. 

Practice

Pretty much since moving into this house, I have been in a weird funk.

I love living here. I love the area. I love the people. I love the house. I love my family and I love the time that we've been able to regain as a family since moving here. I am happy.

At the same time, I've had this crazy underlying tension, always lying in wait for when I get too tired or too hormonal or . . . something.

I am trying to do everything. And I can't.

And it's really frustrating.

I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make sure that the priorities of my life are in the right order. I'm trying to maintain a home with seven people. I clean and I clean and I clean and I wash and fold and wash. I love it and sometimes I feel like my children are the sloppiest people on earth and sometimes I nag my husband because he doesn't see the "to-do's" the way I do and sometimes I take a Sunday afternoon nap and regret it for the next two days because of all I should have gotten done instead of sleeping for 4 hours while the children threw popcorn kernels and cut-up pieces of paper all over the house. Some days I work from before sun-up until well after everyone else in the house is asleep. And it's still not all done.

But mostly I just love it.

I love the process of figuring things out. I truly don't find my role as Homemaker monotonous. I'm just practicing over and over and over and over and over again, trying to figure it out like a chemical reaction or something. Do I find the never-ending laundry monotonous? Yes. Do I find the phrase, "Put away your backpack and shoes, in the closet, with the door closed." monotonous? Yes. But that's just part of my job. Not THE job.

My problem is that, like a chemical reaction or a math equation, I seem to think that I'm going to figure it out some day. (Like, today.) And I can't seem to do it.

And it's making me crazy.

I want to be able to
manage the physical, social, psychological, and spiritual needs of five people all under the age of 9
manage our schedules - without forgetting things like dr. appts, activities, field trips, church functions
maintain basic order in a home where 7 people live
make menus and budgets that are balanced and economical
have a beautiful yard, because I love gardening
blog several times a week, because I love it and I don't want to forget and I love it
read the scriptures daily, because I truly want to grow closer to the Savior
pray (regularly) with real purpose, for my children, for Nels, for me, for my friends and family, for my calling
exercise, lose baby weight and feel strong again
actually sit down during the day
make time to have fun with my family
actually sit down during the day
make things, via yarn, fabric, paint, etc.

and to top it all off, along with my large family, I also keep adding more living things into my life in the form of fish and birds and plants that also need care and attention and maintenance. (what is WRONG with me?!!!)

And I feel like I'm failing.

I don't know how to fit it all in.

Go ahead. Ask me about it. I'll probably burst into tears right before your eyes. It's happened a couple of times now with near strangers. It's awesome.

I cried to my mom about it this morning. For a long time. She told me that she understood exactly how I felt. She told me that while she does try to make time to pray on her knees, most of the time she prays on her feet or while driving in the car.

She told me that I'm doing a good job.

And it made me actually feel better. Because she was speaking the truth.

She reminded me that Heavenly Father sends perfect children to dummies all over the world, that's part of his plan. It's a process, an important process. One that takes a L.O.N.G. time. And she reminded me that only Satan tells me I'm not doing good enough.

I just need to tell him to get off of my back. (and sometimes I do. literally.)

And I felt the truth in her words when she told me that I don't have to be perfect.

I still don't know how to fit all the important things that I want into my life, but my mama reminded me that it's just practice. I'm doing a good job.

And the desires of our hearts count for a lot.

All Flowers Remind Me of You...

How amazing to live somewhere where my favorite flower grows spontaneously every Spring!

I love, love, love lupine. They are blooming abundantly in every field around town.

I can't get enough of their purple spires.