"You have how many girls? Oh! Your poor husband!"
"I wouldn't know what to do with all those girls . . ."
"Please tell me that you at least have a male dog!"
These conversations always leave me incredulous. Are fathers with daughters given special instructions? or are they less manly? do they feel less involved and less like real fathers than dads of boys? is their life harder or sadder? Poor men . . .
As I was scrubbing plates and counters and folding towels the other day I was thinking about my handsome partner in parenting. I was thinking about my own daddy who raised four daughters (and two sons). I was thinking about Nels teaching his girls how use a spoon or tie their shoes or figuring out, together, how to fashion a ponytail. And I thought of my dad teaching me how to drive a manual car or (attempting) to teach me how to not backtalk. I thought of him teaching me how to serve.
And I realized: A father doesn't do what he knows. A father does what is needed.
Fatherhood doesn't come with an instruction manual. How to Train Your Daughter - it doesn't exist.
A father to five girls does it in the same way as a father of five boys. A fathers sees a need and does his best. A father acts.
A man isn't born knowing how to provide, preside, and protect a family. A man - a father - is made while doing so.
A father has the courage to do what he doesn't know how to do.
I am so thankful.
I'm thankful for my dad. I have watched his example my entire life. He seems to be a wealth of strength and knowledge. I have looked up to him my whole life and even at 32 years old, he continues to teach me and challenge me - always encouraging me to do things that I don't think I can do. He walks me through it, but let's me do it. He loves to see me succeed.
I am eternally thankful for Nels. I am continually amazed at his wisdom, his thoughtfulness, his creativity. I love his open mind and open heart. He teaches me how to love more fully, more freely. He has been at my side for more than 12 years now and there is not one day in all those years that I have tired of his company or wondered whether or not I made the right choice. He is the best choice I ever made. I think our daughters are the luckiest girls in entire world to have him as their protector and teacher.
And in all honesty, I don't feel bad for him one little bit - even though he doesn't have a male dog . . .
He's got it pretty damn good.
5 comments:
you're absolutely right, there are just some men who are innately born with this quality of fatherhood--regardless of being a dad of girls or boys. they just ARE. i seriously love nels and the way he is with your girls, which is so apparent in the videos he makes for them and with them (this is the only peek i really get into who he is as a dad, being far away.) they make me laugh and realize how much he truly loves them.
also, i love that you said 'damn.' ;)
I love your posts Rachel! This one brought tears to my eyes. I am said before and I say it again, you have a gift to write and express yourself so perfectly. I admire you. :) Nels is a great guys and I am so glad that he and your five little beauties are all a part of our family. Your comments about Dad are so perfectly stated. Love you!!!
I love that photo at the bottom. Perfect.
amen. and isn't it funny that no matter how our families are composed of children it seems to fit us and you're left to wonder how you could have ever not known that little person in your life or had them with you. nels is a great dad. i have seen him with your girls and they are so perfectly his {and yours}. their personalities all exude some of the best of the quirkiness of the two of you, mixed with their own spunkiness. such great fun little combinations! i hope that makes sense what i'm trying to say! its fun growing up and seeing friends become parents, GOOD parents, and enjoying that parenthood together. it's an adventure that i wish we were able to be a closer part of!
I LOVE this post and your insight in fathers. Some of my favorite parts "A fathers sees a need and does his best. A father acts."
"A man isn't born knowing how to provide, preside, and protect a family. A man - a father - is made while doing so."
And the same goes for mothers :). A true man or woman sees a need and acts.
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