The Sound of Silence

When I think about the rise and fall that my blog goes through (and is currently going through), I feel so sad.

Life is so busy right now, that I can hardly find the time and energy to record it. It's heartbreaking to me. But even now, I look at the clock and tell myself, "No more than an hour." If I'm not finished, so be it. That's all the time I'll allow.

It's a new way to live. By nature, I want to be able to fly by the seat of my pants. No commitments, no schedule. I wish that I could flit from one thing I love to the next --- and that somehow time would stop along the way --- so that I could enjoy each activity to the fullest, without the sacrifice of something else.

But that's not life.

And I finally feel that after 9 years of being a mother, I'm getting it down. I'm figuring out how to keep our household going each day.

And as a result the things on the alter have been my blog, traveling to see family, down-time. But I'm getting into a rhythm. The house is staying in order, the laundry isn't getting out of control, homemade bread is getting made once a week, and (thanks to Yumprint!) dinner is getting made every night.

And I'm not burning myself out.

That's important.

It's been amazingly satisfying.

And there is going to be time to blog again. I'm just trying to figure this out first. And I'm trying to figure out how to not be so "all or nothing". Because I know that at any one time of the day (at least before bedtime) I don't have undivided time --- time when I'm not going to be interrupted at any moment with things and darling people and schedules that need my attention, I've been using my free-time elsewhere. But I miss my blog. I miss the time and the experiences that are passing away.

I'm going to try to do better. But it's going to be a slow process.

So what HAVE I been doing?

Beyond sweeping the floor four times a day?

Seriously. {{sigh and a head shake}}

And making a lot of beds, washing a lot of clothes, cleaning and cooking and running all day long???

Well, I've been slowly working my way through organizing things that probably haven't been organized since I was pregnant with Violet. :)

I've been unpacking boxes . . . still.

I've been picking out paint and painting the kitchen. ---- It's so beautiful! You're going to love it. I love blue kitchens . . . and yellow kitchens. But I don't love dingy green kitchens, with dirty brown doors. Blech!

I've been working out again with Nels.

I've been spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to get Clara to eat . . . that's stressful. Baby behaviors are an enigma.

I've been trying to teach my kids responsibility. Which is painful! I feel like a drill sergeant! And I'm subsequently thinking of no longer having my two oldest girls share a room.

I've just been trying to figure out how to run my life and trying to figure out why it's taken me this long to figure it out.

But I'm thinking that five pregnancies and five newborns and five toddlers (often overlapping) and multiple moves have had something to do with it.

Sometimes I feel like I've been in a perpetual state of transition for years.

So sorry for the silence. Sometimes I'm going to be here and sometimes I'm not. If you're wondering if I'm still alive - pick up the phone. :)