I've been writing about this scary exciting insane new journey that I'm on right now. I'm incredibly long-winded, so I'm breaking it into parts. Someday when my kids are in the throws of Weirdness and I'm in the throws of Give Up, I want to remember why we started this adventure.
As the viewer looks into one end, light entering the other creates a colorful pattern...
"kaleidoscope" is derived from the Ancient Greek καλός, "beautiful, beauty", εἶδος, "that which is seen: form, shape" and σκοπέω, "to look to, to examine"
you see many different patterns when you turn the tube while looking in
"The world is your kaleidoscope, and the varying combinations of colors which it presents to you
at every succeeding moment are the exquisitely adjusted images of your ever moving thoughts."
So here we are.
Last year when the Lord told me, quietly, but firmly, that I should start thinking about homeschool, I was sick to my stomach. But over the past few years, I've really started to better recognize the gentle way that the Lord communicates with me. I've started to trust more. And so I did. I started to think about it. I even went so far as to make a tentative, "I think we might homeschool next year." (But I had to say it fast - without connecting my mouth to my logic-brain - so I wouldn't chicken out.
And then we moved. (isn't that sentence like the theme of our lives these past 3 years?! haha. except it's sort of not funny.)
When I was first looking at rentals here in Pullman, I looked at everything available through the eyes of "is there room to homeschool in that space?" Then the realities of finding a rental in a college town in the middle of the winter set in and I just pushed the thought off altogether. There was absolutely NO WAY I was going to be able to homeschool in a 1300 sqft. apartment with a small kitchen and only one small living area.
Truthfully, my logic-brain felt so relieved! Hooray! I can delay another year! But my heart felt kind of heavy.
We trudged our way through the rest of the school year. I was so frustrated. I felt so much like there was more that I wanted in our lives than living around the school schedule and homework requirements. Every day it seemed our entire lives were consumed with school from the time we woke up (hurry, hurry, hurry!) to bedtime (are you seriously still working on that? c'mon! hurry! we need to get to bed!) - with little bits of real life squeezed in between. (just leave it! we'll have to finish your packet after we get home from swim lessons. hurry!)
How do I read Harry Potter and "Where the Red Fern Grows" to my kids? How do they have time to just play? How do we take music lessons or do swim team? Those hours after they get home from school are so busy most days - messes to clean up, dinner to prepare, chores to attempt, appointments to keep. I started to feel like there weren't enough hours in the day to also teach them how to just LIVE. How to serve and work and cook and sew and vacuum and paint and just talk. All of those things had to be squeezed into the weekend, but by the time the weekend came, I was exhausted.
I want more. I'm selfish.
Then, early in the summer, I was talking to my friend Nicole about our situation. Nicole homeschools their daughter and does daycare for a couple other kids at the same time. I was telling her that I'd planned to homeschool, but then we were in this small space and so now it wasn't feasible. She said, "You know, we don't have a designated school space. We just do everything at the kitchen table and then I put things away in the cupboard. You don't have to have a big space. You could totally do it." The same day, my friend Jen, who just had their sixth baby, told me the same thing - that they homeschooled through dental school while they were living in a small space.
From then on, this impression that I should homeschool became the thought that would NOT go away.
To be clear (and I've had to be very clear with myself), if we left our kids in public school, I truly believe they would continue to do well. I am not saying that my kids are going to fail or that bad things will happen or that we can't make a good life even "running on the school's schedule".
What I do feel is that my perspective and priorities are shifting. I want something more. I feel like there is something different for our family. I feel that if we stayed on the path we're on right now, we would continue to do great, I just feel like maybe there is something better - and I'm willing to take that leap to find out.
We're GOING to homeschool.
There. I said it. It's out there. Phew! Sigh. Breathe. That it so . . . terrifying.
I've spent the last two weeks joining facebook groups for homeschoolers in the area, studying out and eventually buying textbooks, meeting other homeschool moms and talking to them about why and HOW. It's been awesome. As the possibilities unfold and I find curriculum that fits what I'm looking for - it's kind of exhilarating, actually. An awesome mom in the area invited me over to her beautiful home the other day and walked me through what their day looks like, what books she loves, what she's found that didn't work and what's worked great. She and I seem to be very similar and I will forever love her for doing that. It relieved so many of my anxieties.
All that said, I am still very nervous. I don't fall asleep easily and I wake up in the morning way before I should just thinking and thinking and thinking. It's so hard to shut it off, right now. My house is a mess and I have five loads of laundry that need folded because I've spent a large portion of the last week reading and reading and reading - lots of blogs and articles and resource websites. (Thank the Lord for the Internets)
I'm going to be teaching my kids from the same math books that I used growing up, I've found some really great history and science curriculum, I'm still trying to decide what kind of language arts resources I want to use . . . Holy moly. So many options!
But I feel like I can do it. I do. I even feel like once we get a good routine established, we can be done with school pretty much by lunchtime everyday. - That was the biggest selling-point for Lilie, "We could be done with school by lunchtime everyday?! YES! I want to do it! Please, please, please?" Hazel has been more of a hard-sell. "What about my friends? Wah!" My social lady. She NEEDS people. I've explained to her without having homework every night, we will actually have MORE time to invite friends over to play and that we will be able to be involved in sports and other activities where she can spend time with lots of other kids. Beyond that, I know that learning time with other children is extremely important for not only her, but all of us, so I'm getting involved in a co-op and another local group that gets together for field trips twice a month. And of course we'll make new friends along the way that are doing the same thing we're doing. She's starting to actually feel really excited now.
This year, I'm sending Elsie to 1st grade at the school and just keeping Hazel and Lilie home. They are so close intellectually that I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to teach them the same thing. It will take Lilie a few months to get caught up in math and grammar, but she moves so quick I don't think it will be a problem. Elsie is such people person that I think she'll really enjoy going to school this year (though admittedly she was a little bummed once she heard some of the things that we'll be doing), and then we will reevaluate next year. It will give me time to get my feet under me.
And as for the future? Who knows. Right now, we're just jumping. Both Washington and Idaho allow students to be double-enrolled. Meaning you can choose to homeschool and then also be enrolled at the public school to participate in anything from clubs to sports to band and choir to Chemistry or Anatomy - all sorts of options! And there are a lot of community colleges now that actually allow students to enroll in lower-level classes like Algebra and Chemistry while getting both high school and college credit! So awesome.
So there you have it.
We're going to homeschool.
I'm not at all sure of what the future holds, but I feel like the Lord has been guiding me to this place. I know that this path is my choice and it's one that I want to take. I LOVE all the different things there are to learn in this world and I'm so excited to explore them together with my girls. I know it's going to be hard and there are going to be times when I'm ready to give up, but I'm excited for the growth, for the adventure.
