Unsocial

Tonight I checked my voicemail.

It has been approximately 3 weeks since I checked my voicemail.

70 percent were from my cousin. 15 percent were from my friend. Both of whom call me when I drop off the face of the planet. They love me. They make sure I'm not dead. 10 percent were people that needed immediate action from me. I did not know. They did not get immediate attention. The remaining whatever percent . . . well, I don't know their names and I don't care that I don't.

To anyone who has called me in the last three weeks. Please forgive. It's not you.

It's me.

I just realize tonight that I haven't updated my blog in almost three weeks.

Poor, lonely blog.

I haven't checked my facebook account in almost a month. Facebook and I have had a falling out. It eats up my precious time. I've decided that I hate facebook. It's a vicious monster of a distraction. I start *thinking* in facebook status updates. My life becomes, in my mind, one long string of semi-clever, entirely irrelevant, one sentence summaries. I don't like it.

But I DO love my blog and I love you. So here I am with this random post.

I wish I could say that it is my desire to share my life with you which has brought me here. It's not.

I have to teach a Relief Society lesson tomorrow morning. Tomorrow afternoon, I will be thankful for my calling. Right now. I'm avoiding going to sleep, thereby avoiding waking up, thereby avoiding getting four children ready for church by myself, and therein delaying the teaching of my lesson.

Except not really. My subconscious doesn't realize that it's going to come anyway. In the exact same amount of time. I'm just going to be tired instead of rested.

I go through phases of being entirely anti-social. I don't know why I do this. I love my friends, I love my family members. I also love being alone with just my little family. I don't actually know how to describe it. It's weird.

I've been a busy chick the last three weeks. I'm excited to break my silence and show you the pictures that we took of our family last Sunday. - I've spent hours staring at and, if possible, falling even more in love with the beautiful faces of my children. - I'm excited to show you the transformations to my house that have taken place. - Oh man! the completion of projects - YEARS - in the making. -  I'm excited to share the thoughts that have been tumbling through my head. - Maybe not interesting, but needing to be released so that I can have room for something else again. :)

And again, to anyone who has gotten the "shaft" from me recently. To those who call and never get a return phone call, I'm truly sorry. I love you. I'm just productive when I hide away from the world and I can't say I'm entirely ready to leave yet.

Soon. Soon.

I should probably just redo my voicemail message to say something like this. "Hi, you've reached Rachel's phone. I won't say that I'm unavailable in general, but obviously I'm unavailable to you at the moment. I'm feeling rude today and apparently don't want to answer. If the information you wish to relay or receive is very important, please call back two or three times, I will usually answer after several attempts. If not, please pray for me and then call back in a few weeks. It's not you. It's me. Thank you."