Eight is GREAT!

* I wrote this post a couple of days after Hazel's birthday, but it took me another two weeks to finish it up. Awesome, aren't I? *

My sweet Hazel girl turned eight years old this week!

Over the past week, my mind has been drawn many times to that sweet little baby that I held in my arms not so very long ago. That sweet little girl that came into this world full of wonder. Full of questions and observations. That little newborn that watched everything. So beautiful. So calm. So good. And she is still the same today. So beautiful and calm and good.

I'm so thankful that she came first. She is so patient with Nels and me as we stumble through parenthood. She is such a blessing and such a joy to us both. I always know that I can rely on my Hazel to be who she needs to be. She tries so hard. She is kind and absolutely full of love for those around her. She is completely without guile. Trusting and open. So excited to experience everything that life has to offer. She brings such a loving spirit into our home.

Hazel has been looking forward to her eighth birthday for a long time. She has been so excited to be baptized and to receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost. She loves the scriptures and loves her Heavenly Father. She has such a sweet relationship with Him and with her Savior. She knows of their love for her and has a great desire to do what is right. I am so excited for her to have the wonderful opportunity to now become even more familiar with the promptings of the Spirit in her life. It was such a sweet experience to watch her enter the waters of baptism --- to watch her set such a good example for her sisters and to take this essential step toward eternal life with her Heavenly Father.

We feel so thankful that both sets of grandparents made the long trip to share this special day with our family. With General Conference this weekend, our new bishopric was very obliging and allowed us to schedule Hazel's baptism for Friday night -- on her actual birthday. Between work, school, cooking, eating, getting ready, and the meeting beginning at 7:00 it made for a pretty busy evening, but it all turned out wonderful.

Unlike areas where the Church is larger, Sandpoint does baptisms on a ward level and since Hazel is the only child getting baptized this month, it made for a very sweet and intimate meeting. Not only were my girls grandparents there, but many of our new ward members also came to support our little family.

After a beautiful program where both of her Grandmothers spoke and where we sang three of her favorite songs (Teach Me to Walk in the Light, When I Am Baptized, and I Know That My Redeemer Lives) Hazel was baptized by her daddy. It was such a sweet experience for both of them. Not only was this the first of his children for him to baptize, but this is also the first live baptism that Nels has performed. Such a beautiful experience to share with his darling daughter.

In fact, Nels was very busy that night. He had the chance to baptize and confirm Hazel and to also bless our little Clara. We had been planning on baptizing Hazel and blessing Clara at the same time for months, but with moving this became even more practical if we wanted any of our family members to be here. It was such a beautiful evening to share in these special ordinances with our two little girls, blessed by the hands of their loving father.

We then came back to our apartment and realized why we don't have any decent pictures of all seven (seven??!!) of us together . . .

 . . . and had a little mini party for Hazel before bed. It was such a beautiful day!

My sweet Hazel,

As I sat beside you two nights ago, my eyes were drawn to your beautiful face over and over again. I couldn't help but think of that sweet little baby that was placed in my arms eight years ago and marvel at the incredible young lady you are becoming.

I am amazed with the sweet goodness that is inherently part of who you are. You so desire to do that which is right. You are such an example to me. As my oldest daughter, I am so thankful for your never-ending forgiveness and patience with me as we both go through this life, learning together.

It is such a privilege to be your mother. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for your faith, your kindness, for your tender example to all around you - especially to your dear sisters who watch you so closely. I'm so thankful that you came first and that they can look to you with confidence as you strive to do that which is right. You bring so much love into our home.

I am so proud of you for your decision to follow our Savior and be baptized. I'm so thankful that you have been given the gift of the Holy Ghost. I feel great peace in knowing that he will be with you as you go through each day - to guide you and protect you. I know that his voice is already familiar to you. You often share with me your experiences in feeling the Holy Ghost as you go throughout your activities and when we read the scriptures together you just light up with the joy that comes from the love of Jesus Christ.

I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I know that Joseph Smith was and is a prophet of God. I know that Jesus Christ lives and loves you, Hazel. He loves you very much. I know that He is our Savior and He died for us and that He lives again. I know that when you pray, God will answer you. Every single time. Sometimes life is scary. Sometimes life is sad. Sometimes we make mistakes, but as you turn to your Heavenly Father, He will be there to teach you and forgive you and comfort you. Ask, Hazel. He will teach you everything you desire to know.

I love you, my darling girl. You are so amazing and it is such a joy to have you as my daughter.

Love,
Your Mama

Oh, what do you do . . . ?

What do you do when your husband is gone for a week and you have to get five kids, plus yourself, out the door for 9:00 church all alone?

Well, of course, you stay up until 2 in the morning watching TV, eating almonds and ice cream, and then set your alarm clock for 6:00.

'Cause that's the way retards roll. Duh.

First Impressions

Five weeks ago now, we packed all the things we simply couldn't live without into a 12 foot U-Haul, and began our new lives.

My sweet parents had come the evening before to help us finish packing and cleaning and loading. They were truly lifesavers. If they hadn't come, I don't believe there is any way that we would have made it out of Idaho Falls that day. There was so much to do and frankly, I just was not running at peak performance. :) It didn't take much for my parents to recognize this as well and they made the last minute executive decision that my mother would be making the long trek to Sandpoint with us as a third driver and angel of mercy. :)

We pulled out of Idaho Falls at around 2:00 in the afternoon (traveling at a brisk 60 mph or so -- that trailer was REALLY heavy), stopped once in Butte, and pulled into our hotel in Sandpoint at about 11:00 or so. As I mentioned in a previous post, the girls - ALL of them - were angels the entire ride, with no more than a peep the entire time.

For those of you unfamiliar with Idaho geography, this is where Sandpoint is. Yep. That's Canada - about 60 miles away. THIS is the link to Sandpoint's website. These are pictures of Sandpoint. I think they're pretty self-explanatory, but I'll state the obvious and just say that Sandpoint is beautiful!

I'm happy to say that my initial impression of Sandpoint has not diminished at all over the past month. If anything, I've been even more amazed at what a lovely place this is as we've explored the area. I feel like every time we go for a drive, I say over and over again, "This is so gorgeous!" The mountains, the lake, the rivers, the colors of fall, the late afternoon haze that makes perfect picture-taking light, the early morning fog on the mountains. It's just pretty.

But I'm digressing . . . So, the morning after we pulled into Sandpoint, we got up, got breakfast, left Clara with my Madre, and went to attend church in our new ward. Now, you may think that I'm over-zealous, attending church at 9:00 in the morning after we'd spent the entire day before in the car, the past week packing, and had given birth to our fifth child only two weeks earlier, but you have to remember -- we also had that U-Haul to unload the next day and an apartment to find -- and by golly, that's what Elder's Quorums where made for. :)

So there we were, sitting in our new ward, everyone looking at us and excited to see new faces in their small ward, singing the sacrament hymn. Violet got down off my lap and started flipping through the pages of the hymn book in my hands.

Then, all of sudden, she puked.

All over hymn #185. And my foot.

Just kidding.

I don't really remember what the page number was. :)

With a look of panic, I leaned around Hazel and Elsie, and got Nels's attention. Apparently, he mistook my look of shock for a "I'm-so-happy-to-be-here" look and gave me a thumbs-up.

What? NO!

I mouth to him and chin-point to Violet, "SHE JUST THREW UP!" Holding out the hymnal for additional verification.

He got it and we rushed Violet and her SURPRISE! hymn book out of the chapel, out to the foyer (where she pukes again), and into the bathroom. After stripping off Vi's vile dress and chucking the up-chucked hymnal, I began cleaning out my shoe, while Nels returned to the foyer to clean up out there. Which, by the way, had already been cleaned up by another ward member!

That's when we knew we were in the right place. A place where a total stranger would clean up another person's kid's puke off the floor. That man will be blessed in heaven, I'm sure.

Nels stayed at church with the other girls, while I drove Violet back to the hotel to her Grandma.

First impressions are awesome, aren't they? Hi, Bishop. We're the Chicks. We just moved in and as our first act in this ward, we threw up all over the floor and threw away one of your hymnals. :)

I'm happy to say, that our first experience here has not been indicative of the rest. :) Monday morning Nels started work, we managed to find an apartment and unload our belongings, and by the end of the week, dropped off Grandma at the airport and got the girls started into their new school -- which is kitty-corner to our apartment.

The girls can walk to and from school all by themselves. It's been a huge blessing as we're still adjusting to mornings with a new baby. I can stand by the balcony door and watch them all the way there. - Plus, if you disregard the phone lines, its just not too bad a view. Right?

The girls are enjoying school, making friends. I was so worried about all of them and how they would react to this major upheaval in their lives, but they've sailed right through it. They are happy and adjusting well. I was especially nervous about how Violet would do, but she's been a real champ. She has probably been my easiest child over the past month - which I was not expecting at all. Violet has been pleasant and happy nearly everyday. She's been a real blessing to me and I have been enjoying her so much.

On the flip side, Elsie has probably had the hardest time with it. She is sweet and generally happy, but has seemed to struggle with not having all of her things, with not having our home, with not having a yard. She has often told me that she wants to go home or comes and asks something like,

"When are we going to go to our real home?"
"This is our home now, honey."
"No. When are we going to go to our home that is not this place?"
"We're not going to go back to Idaho Falls to live, Elsie. We live here now."
"Why?"
"Because this is where Daddy's job is now."
"Well, I don't like this apartment. When are we going to go to our real house here?"
"When our house in Idaho Falls sells."
"How long?"
"I don't know, honey . . . "

So, yeah. She's been missing HOME and I think the other part of it is that she just gets incredibly bored with both her older sisters at school all day. She doesn't have her things and she doesn't have her sisters to play with and I think she just doesn't know quite what to do with herself. Just a lot of adjustment for her.

Clara is doing great. She is a really wonderful baby. I'm planning on writing her own little post later, so I won't elaborate too much right now, but she is very sweet and I can't even imagine life without her. She is perfect. We all love her so much!

Just a few pictures for you of Clara over the past month. And yes. The house IS a mess in every single picture. That's the way we roll in this tiny apartment.

Our ward has been just fabulous. They have welcomed us with open arms - invited us to dinners, to Book Club, over to play, attended Hazel's baptism, called upon Nels to help people move, and called me to be the Second Counselor in the Primary Presidency. :) Oh, yes. We feel right at home. :)

Nels is getting settled into his job. It's taken a few weeks to figure out what he's doing, but they're putting him to work and he's feeling more and more comfortable. - In fact, they're sending him to New York City this coming week for a shoot that they're doing. - He's both excited and nervous. Excited to get behind a camera again, nervous about the newness of it. I still think it's a big joke that my husband, who cares little to nothing about fashion, is working for a clothing company. :) I think one of the videos he'll be working on this week is about how to tie a scarf. :)

Things are going well. We are learning to enjoy the ride. This morning I read Chapter 9 of the new Relief Society book "Daughters in My Kingdom." It is titled "Guardians of the Hearth" and talks about motherhood, its sacred and divine calling, and our responsibilities and blessings. It was perfect. A perfect boost. If you haven't read it, you should.

God loves me. I can see it in the blessings that He has given to me. - In my husband, my children, my family, and my friends. Thank you all for the prayers, thoughts, and love that you have sent our way in the last couple of months. I know that I will never be able to repay your kindness, but the Lord will. I love you all.

Time Keeps on Tickin' . . .

My goodness. Life just keeps ticking right along, doesn't it?

We've been here for more than a month now. I can't believe it. Life is so strange. With each big change in our lives, I always find myself feeling as if somehow it's always been this way -- and at the same time every once in a while getting a reality check and feeling like, "How on Earth did we GET HERE???"

In some ways, we're settling right in. Everything feels natural. Everything feels as it should.

Then, sometimes I close my eyes and I can see my home. My garden - that I put hours and hours of loving sweat into, my kitchen, my living room, my shower - with it's happy glass tiles . . . my friends, my fish, my cat . . . my street, my neighbors. And it hurts a little bit. Most of them are not big things, just all those little things that when you add them up, they are your home. Most of which you've spent hours upon hours - years - loving and working in, on, with. Sometimes before falling asleep, as I close my eyes I pretend that I am in my old bedroom and I envision all of the steps to go to the kitchen. I envision my children coming into my room in the morning and me waking up and making them breakfast.

It's all still there. Waiting for me. (with the exception, of course, of the most essential part - those precious people filling that home - which is the reason why I'm here!)

And I think that's the hardest thing for me. We haven't been able to close up that part of our lives yet. And I still yearn for home. Even scrolling through my blog, seeing pictures of our lives there . . . it hurts my heart.

For me, there is something spiritual about creating a home. I can't even express the depth of my feelings that I have for the home that we made in Idaho Falls. It's been hard to not have that here and hard to think that maybe (due to the odd housing market of Sandpoint) we won't have our own home again for a long time.

In the weeks following our move up here, we finally hired a realtor to sell our house. Sometimes I think that we should have just done that to begin with, but then I remember the feelings that I had then and know that the timing wasn't right yet. I don't know why. Maybe there is someone very specific that needs our house . . . and they weren't ready yet. Who knows? But I feel very good about the steps that we've taken and feel very optimistic that the house will sell - as does our realtor. Hopefully soon. It's in the Lord's hands.

We are in the Lord's hands.

And that's what I'm realizing more and more.

There is a little part of my heart that is still in Idaho Falls - and I don't know if I'll be able to let that go until the house is sold and we can close up that chapter of our lives - but my soul is here. With those that I love the most.

Over the course of that past few months, I've gone through every emotion I can imagine. It's been exhausting, to say the least. I'm going to leave it at simply saying that I like things "my way." I cruise along through life pretty happily when things are going my way. I will go to great lengths to have things be comfortable for ME. And when I can't MAKE circumstances bend to my will, my goodness, I have a difficult time of it - inside. I've seen this part of me before and I tell you, I do NOT like it. Thankfully, the Lord is merciful. He helps me to recognize the road I'm on. And helps me to realize that there is another path.

As I was talking (venting) to my sweet cousin Amber a few weeks ago, I was . . . frustrated. Frustrated with circumstances and frustrated with myself. Recognizing that things are good in our lives (SO GOOD!), but just really feeling turned upside down. I realized that EVERYTHING in my life has changed in the last two months. I listed off to her all the things that were different:
my body
my family
our home
our job
our city
our friends
our ward
our climate
our elevation :)
our schools
our time zone
my hormones!


ME


All of those things are fine - most of them fabulous! But . . . it's just a lot.
I then said the words, "I feel so overwhelmed and lost. I just feel like there's no constant in my life right now!" And in that moment, I realized that I was right. The one thing that should be my constant, my relationship with the Lord, I had allowed to change too. Because of my pride and frustration, I hadn't been turning to my Heavenly Father for the peace and constancy that I was desperately in need of.

It's taken me some time, but I'm finding what I was looking for - what I had allowed to slide. And it's so amazing to me how gracious the Lord is in his forgiveness and mercy. I turn to him and he immediately blesses me. I've been able to find the comfort that I was looking for. I am happy here. There are a lot of things that are still uncertain and I'm still a bit homesick at times, but I am happy and I genuinely know that my Heavenly Father is taking care of my family. All will be as it should be and HE is and will continue to provide what our family needs.

Things are good. So very good. And we have been incredibly blessed through all of the craziness of our lives these past few months. And I guess that's where we're going to go from here. I'm going to record all of the goodness that we've experienced in the past month and all that will continue to come. I'm so excited to share it with you!

New Beginnings

In the past MONTH we have . . .

Had a new baby.
Driven to Sandpoint twice -- about 1600 miles in a week and a half.
Started school.
Whirlwind packed and left our home and lives.
Moved across the state.
and into a new time zone.
Started a new job.
Downgraded to an apartment -- that we'd never even seen before.
with five kids.
Started school again.
Had two birthdays within two weeks of moving.
Baptized our oldest daughter.
Blessed our youngest daughter.

YOWZA!

I'm tired.

But despite it all, I'm so thankful. Life is good and the Lord is SO good.
I really feel like I'm still just running on empty most of the time -- with only brief pit stops to put a couple of gallons in the "tank" -- but man, those pit stops are sure sweet.

Between the beautiful night we had tonight and the wonderful weekend ahead, I'm hoping to get perhaps enough "fuel" to carry me through until I can just bring this ol' bod and brain and spirit in for a really good "tune-up".